feel like dying..
so busy, got so much stuff to do, and i'm so tired..
-sssssssiiiiiiiiiiiggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh-

i seriously need rest, and seriously need to breathe..

i wonder how some people can never fail to make you feel like u're disturbing them..
you mean like, i need to have something to tell you then can call you..
when there's nothing important, i cannot contact you??
so the word 'chit-chat' doesn't exist anymore??
you mean when i'm boliao cannot call and chit chat izit??

am feeling really lousy today already and some people has to add on to it..
come to think of it, i also stupid la..
shld've called RZ for a chat..
but.. but.. if i call him..
den i cannot slp early again tonight!!! hahahhahaha
-sigh-

hmmm thinking back on some stuff that RZ said yday..
glad that he remembers, actually.. =)

now, i have to think of a way to solve the problem i have on hand..

hey cerise! this post is about u! hee~~
went to read her blog n saw the comment her dear left for her.. and i just think its so sweet.. =) and i feel so happy for her!! i'm so glad i don't feel grumpy about it 'cause i'm not so fortunate like you!!
haa~~ anyway, always feel that cerise is a very fortunate girl.. lots of people love her and she has a lovely bf.. =) and i believe its 'cause she's such a sweet person..

what goes around comes around, you see...

so therefore, we should start doing more good and do less evil, think less evil, see less evil..
people like her will get bad karma, so don't be so bothered about it, RZ!!
i never knew there would be bitches like her.. i'm sorry i used such a vulgar word, but i would think its too mild for her..
even d****e is no match for her, man.. hey cerise! i think you might know who d****e is.. haa..

chatted with RZ again, and realised more stuff..
so amusing that how we get to know each other better after every chat, even after we've known each other for years.. now, i just hope that he gets out of his rough patch soon... and that he would feel better soon.. look on the bright side.. you gained a closer family.. thats precious enough already.. i'm so envious of you.. you have a very loving family and a wonderful mom..

ya people are never satistied..
which is y..
XIANG! we can stay and grow old tgt on future... i don't think i will be able to marry in the future too.. hmmm how to say ne.. i don't think i'm suitable for marriage?? hahahaha..

i wish that all my friends are xing fu de...

was chatting online with xiang and we talked about alot of stuff..
mainly is about a specific someone.. told xiang about how i felt, asked her how she felt..
had a girl's talk..
then she told me something on friendster about *erhem*

hey xiang! i went to see le.. went to the girl's page.. super ai mei can.. the pictures, i mean.. er.. i think really got something gg on.. but i guess its really not up to us to interfere..

anyway, what i wanted to say is that.. realised that for the past few weeks, been having too much hopes and trying too hard.. did too much, think too much, expect too much..
having no expectations and letting nature take its own course is actually the best thing to do right now..

have to agree with xiang that he's super good at leading people on!!
its sad to think that way... but when you interact with him, be careful not to think that he's interested in you, but really just being nice???
'cause he's that kind of person!!!

anyway, what kind of person he is, is really none of my business right now..
and i totally agree.. guys who are attached and put 'single' on friendster are damn irritating and i duno whats their problem.. but thats their own problem.. sorry but me n xiang are sexists.. against guys..

oh i've strayed from my topic..
what i wanted to say is that.. i shall take things in my stride and stop having expectations..
no expectations = no disappointments..

this sentence have been staying in my brains for quite some time..
"我不想习惯失望"

totally suits my feelings..

was super busy today.. went to alot of places..
tuition in the morning, CF meeting in late morning, working in afternoon..
and after work, i didn't feel like going home..

i know i'm always saying i don't like to reach home late 'cause my mom will wait up for me.. but today is exceptional.. just didn't feel like going home.. even to the extent of detouring around my neighbourhood @ 10pm just so that i didn't have to go home..

called up anthony and he's coming over to find me.. but.. that will take awhile.. so in the meantime, i went up to RZ's hse!!
hahaha.. 'cause he's meetin his friends for mahjong @ his place.. didn't wana go home so i went to his hse to stick ard for awhile until anthony arrive.. in the end, anthony reach @ 11.. -_- okie la he's nice enough to come all the way to my place to pei me.. so i'm actually greatful.. hahaha..

HANXIANG!! we were sitting at the open space opp your block to chit-chat!! hahahaha wanted to call you, but anthony said you won't come down.. =x sorry ah.. haaa...

got to know alot of stuff about anthony.... sis!!
ya he was telling me about his sis.. hmmmm din realise so many things about him..
ya so chit-chatted awhile till ard 1140 den he drove me home.. sigh i feel so bad to trouble him... sorry kor...
to the girls: no i didn't take his bike.. he drove.. i tot he's gonna ride to meet me.. hai wo look for his bike den realise he drove... -_-

gotta say thanks to RZ and anthony for pei-ing me tonight when i don't feel ike going home.. =)
and i hope RZ wins money @ his mahjong game so he can treat me!!

(just saw anthony online and he's at friend's place!! go friend's place online.. weird leh, him..)

原来我还是可以任性的…

maybe i'm gonna meet RZ study @ blk 11 tml.. anybody wana join us??

by the way, i'm gonna say this again..
whatever i wrote in the last post (in chinese) in purely fictional.. =)
please tell me how you guys feel about it ok~~

to cerise: hey girl thanks for everything.. knowing you care so much about me, about my well-being, about my feelings makes me feel so touched.. i'm really feeling better after i talked to you that day.. really.. am really grateful that you care so much about me.. thanks....

gonna write a sequel now..
or maybe not..

她一直以为他会这样爱着她。

分开了，不想再联络。听到他的声音只会让她更伤心。知道他的情况只会让她更放不下。 狠心地放弃是她唯一的选择。

她不要这样的结果。
她曾经想过他们的家会是怎样。曾经想过他们结婚时的情况。曾经想过跟他永远在一起。一直到老……

分开了，她以为她过得很好。天天工作，勉强自己忘了他。
然后，她发现，她需要他给的压力。需要他天天烦着她。需要他……
可是她知道，放弃的那天开始，她再没有要求的权力。
不可以再像以前一样，任性……
因为只有他才会容忍她的任性。而他，已经不是她的了……

these few words have been in my head for the past 2 days..
wanted to change my blog add and start all over again, but that'll be so troublesome..
so i decided!!
shifted my archives to another website.. its still link-able from this blog..
but, i guess it seems to me that the past is somewhere else.. that it's been left somewhere else and i'm not to be bothered by everything anymore..

give myself a chance to start all over again...
at least i did not give up this blog add.. i love this blog add.. =)
brought forward the last 2 posts.. just for the sake of filling up the space.. left the rest behind tho.. just like leaving the past behind me.... nice...

went to catch the movie with HY...
sorry to RZ for not being able to watch the show with you.. nvm! we watch underworld tgt ok?! haa...

anyway, what i wana say is..
the show is very bloody!!!
the death scenes are super bloody lo!!
i think the rating should be M18 instead of the current NC16..
'cause even i feel put off with the scenes..
er... caution: not for the faint hearted..
good for couples though.. the guy can enjoy hugging the girl in his arms and comforting her.. provided the guy is not equally frightened with it la!!

er.. as for the movie itself.. ok lor.. haaa...
quote hy: FD1 & FD2 are nicer..
'cause i think FD1 has more of a storeyline.. FD3 is basically just about getting all frightened at eventually how they are going to die... tts all..
the only commendable thing is that they can actually come up with so many ways of dying.. plot was very predictable.. haaa...

ok so i'm just waiting for Underworld: Evolution and Pirates of the Caribbean 2..
yes yes pirates of the caribbean is coming back! not sure when though.. saw the poster @ PS.. it says coming in 2006.. maybe at the end of the year.. =x

anyway, i'm feeling much better already! was really stupid, i think.. haaa...
all thanks to cerise and RZ.. thx ah!! =)

time to study....

felt like deleting the previous entry.. but oh well... forget it..
was super duper down just now..
having tuition and i felt like crying.. =x like a crybaby...
felt so bad towards my student.. wasn't in the mood to teach @ all..

so... i went to cut my hair!! er.. trim, actually.. layered it so it doesn't look so thick anymore.. now it looks nice! hopefully it stays nice after i wake up tml..

told stupid RZ about me gg out with HY tml.. AND HE SAID HY'S INTERESTED IN ME!! -fumes- tts impossible.. thanks for consoling me though.. hahahaha

told him about everything.. well not exactly everything.. i was halfway through it and suddenly we talked about sth else... haaa as usual la...
and... i'm feeling alot better now!! thanks to him... we always hold on to each other during difficult times.. and i think tts wat makes me really treasure him.. 'cause he's always there for me when i need him.. and he'll always rem me when he's sad (aka when his status changed...)

-whew- felt like a bitch just now.. at least i feel nomal now.. i thought i was gonna turn into a bitch permanently..
you know there are times when you know the things you are doing are wrong?? but u just feel like doing it?? like, morally you know its wrong and you should not do it?? but you went ahead with it anyway.. just feel like ignoring the voice in your head and go ahead and be a bitch!!
anyway, i'm back to normal!!! the voice in the head triumps!!

have no idea when i felt that way..
maybe its the way i was being treated made me feel like i made a wrong decision??? like how i shld've realised things are no longer the same but somehow they just feel the same?!!
situations changed = treatment changed right??? but thats not the case!! and i felt like things are still the same.. and i snapped out of reality and realised i'm really just nobody's child.. (ya i'm my parents' child...)

anyway, really wanna thank RZ for everything he did for me..
thanks loads...
and i shld've asked him along to ben's bday party la!! told him abt him and he said i shld've asked him too!! but come to think of it.. he wouldn't be in the mood to do so anyway.. -oops- so we have agreed!! he will acc me to bday parties if i have no dates!! haaaaa.. i'm blogging it down so that i will remember!!!

really glad that things worked out for me n him.. glad that we're still such good frens and he can confide in me..
i totally agree with this sentence..
unless 2 ex-lovers can come clean with each other about their current lovelifes, their relationship can never be purely friendship..
how true.. if we never came clean with each other, until today we (or @ least I) will still have some feelings for each other.. at least i believe so...
and we even acknowledged the fact that we were a couple b4 today!!! we talked about the date we were tgt and about how he's nicer to his other ex(s) than he is to me!!!! -fumes- we were still young la huh.... ignorant...

but tts not true for the other case...
i guess all in all, i'm just angry that he's over it so soon..
but well.. i should've expected it, right????

yes i'm speaking in riddles again...