a brand new start

Time flies

2010-11-29T21:54:00.001+08:00

2 years ago, I decided to study. Took the courage and enrolled into the MAAP program, thinking that I'm just gonna try. The truth was, I never thought I would get in.

But then letter came for the interview. Then while I was away in Australia, on QBdd's bday, the letter of acceptance came.

In Nov 2008, I went for the orientation talk. I saw all my cohort mates for the first time. I remember seeing Celeste, and took the bus with Sijie and Adeline. We talked about being in this program for 2 years, and what a long time it had seemed.

And how time flies. 2 years later, I'm saying goodbye to my friends who have been there for every single module that I took. They created loads of laughter during lessons. We shared loads of experiences. We complained about one particular person. They were always sitting around me. I can't believe that today is the last day I will be in the same classroom as Cindy, Marie, Serene, Kelly, Justin and Priscilla. I will miss every single one of them, especially Cindy.

To me, Cindy is like Cerise. Cerise, who was always there to tell me what to do when I was in NUS. Cindy is the one I turn to for help in the MAAP program. I will be so lost without her. The ever reliable girl who always sits beside me during lectures. The girl who always waits and takes 199 with me. The girl who walks with me to look for Cecilia after lectures. The girl who tells me what to do when I start my prac. I will miss her loads, and I wish her all the best in whatever she does in the future.

How time flies. It's 2 years already. And I thought it's gonna be a long time. While it's not going to be lonely from here on, with Jacinda, Rina and Mandy with me, it is definitely going to be different. I will miss them very much. Sighs.

Goodbye, my 2009 MAAP CP friends. Let's stay in touch, ya? =)

All the best!

Thanks, mama

2010-10-18T21:52:00.007+08:00

Cerise was commenting the other day how long I've not blogged. Indeed, been feeling so overwhelmed with school work and prac that I've neglected blogging.

Sometimes when I look at my clients, I can't help but think 'I don't know if I can really help you. I can't even help myself and I'm facing the same problem as you are.'
Am so overwhelmed by the amount of things that I have to do: Assignments every 3 week, quizzes, case notes (loads and loads of them), seeing clients almost every day (so much so that I have no time to write my case notes).

It's so much that sometimes I just want to hide somewhere and cry.
I want to find someone to talk to, but I find it so hard sometimes.
I don't know what to say.. How do I begin with how I'm feeling? I don't know what I'm feeling.
hmm...

no wonder I like to run. It's not exercise time, really. It's more like time for me to wind down - and I need that 45 mins on most days. It keeps me sane.

With that, I went for a walk just now. My head was bursting with negativity and I decided that I need an outlet. If I could, I would have went running. Walking is the next best alternative I could find, I guess. It beats jumping out of my window. HAHA

And guess what, I was just going to burst into tears when my mom called out to me. She saw me walking and came after me. My first reaction was 'great, when I want to be left alone'.

Boy, was I wrong. My mama is the best thing that happened to me today. She walked with me, talked to me, asked me what I was doing downstairs, and made me laugh - all of which was something I needed. Her presence took my mind off things and made me feel that someone cared for me, at a time when I needed someone.

Thanks, mama. I love you.

Changes

2010-08-23T10:42:00.003+08:00

Have not updated for another longest time ever. Sometimes there is the sudden urge to write something, but I guess laziness always overcomes me and I gave in to it..

So many things has changed since the last update. People have graduated, found a job, changed a job. Friends have moved up the corporate ladder or moved on to greener pastures. Some have found joy in what they are doing.

And I wonder what an I doing with my life. hmm.. I know it's time for a change, but changes are always frightening. I don't know what to expect next, don't know what's held in place for me. It's so frustrating 'cause I still don't know what's gonna happen. Why isn't there anyone pointing out the path to me? I'm so tired of searching for something for myself, worried that it would not turn out to be the correct way.

Then what happens?

What's most practical is what I have right now, and I know I should just cherish it and hold on to it. But I still can't help but feel worried for myself....

好久了

2010-04-29T01:38:00.002+08:00

已经很久没有update了...

在和朋友聊天，突然很有感想。
很多时候，当我看着Ethan，我会很想保护他。
年纪还小的他并不需要知道这个世界是残酷的。
会很想把最好的都留给他。
希望我人生中的遗憾，他不会重蹈复测。
希望他的一生事最完美的。

many a times, I would look at Ethan and think to myself...
'How did we get from there to here?'

为什么我的人生不是完美的？
为什么我的人生还是会有遗憾？
为什么以前没有人像我对Ethan 那样的保护我？

真的没有吗?
其实是有的。。。只是当时年纪小。。。

年轻的我们，都以为自己是最厉害最聪明的
不把被人当一回事，觉得自己做的一定是对的。
总是希望快点长大。。。
纵使大人们总是说，‘年轻的时候是最快乐的’

真的是年轻时最快乐吗？
原来真的是的。
可是并不是因为长大；是因为长大后需要为自己负责任
再也没有父母的庇护
再也没有训导主任的指导
再也没有老师催促你交功课
到了后来你才发现。。。原来有人催促你交功课是一件很幸福的事。
那代表着你还不需要为自己负责任
你还可以过着任性的生活

在你还不需要为自己负责的年纪，你有很多梦想。
长大后你发现原来梦想是属于没有能力的年纪，也是属于最幸福的年纪。
当你有能力去实现你的梦想时，那些梦想突然变得没有吸引力。
那些已经逐渐地不再是你的梦想，而你也或许懒得去实现了。。。

原来长大等于没有梦想
长大等于不能任性
长大等于为生活而生活
工作只为了还清所有的借贷。。。
缴大学学费的钱，买屋子的钱，买车的钱，孩子的生活费，孩子未来的学费，孩子以后结婚的费用等等等。。。
梦想？什么梦想？

原来大人们没有骗我 - 年轻时真的是最快乐的
那个没有钱的年纪是最快乐的。。。
只可惜，这是个不断重复的过程
年轻时不懂珍惜是每个人必经的一条路。。。

Goodbye 2009, Hello 2010

2010-01-06T13:52:00.001+08:00

I know I'm so not updated. It's already 6 days into the New Year and I'm only blogging about the past year.
Well, I don't have a choice. The end of the year has been busy for me, and I haven't had time to really sit down and reflect until recently.

Firstly, let's summed up the happenings of last year….

Strictly speaking, this does not belong to 2009, but I have not thanked my nephews for coming into my life. They have been so wonderful, and I thank my sister-in-laws for giving birth to such wondering little boys. I hope that Ethan & Ayden will stay healthy and grow stronger and smarter in the New Year. 姑姑 loves you!!! Hehe.. and I hope Alice stays healthy in the coming year too, and give birth to a chubby little son/daughter this year =)

I started off 2009 with enrolling into my Master's program. I guess I have Jansen to thank for that. If he had not explored my options with me, and inspired me to further my studies, I might still be bumming around. Since I have the time and the opportunity, why not? Thank goodness I got into the program. Although it's been tough, I got through my first 2 semesters with pretty good grades (in my opinion). This is just the beginning, with more challenges this year. I have to stay strong and continue to work hard!

We have finally persuaded Andy to join us in SHG last year. I have never knew Andy like I did last year, and I'm guessing that we have somehow grew closer as a group. The outings and dinners after SHG was fun, and all you made a difference to my time in SHG. I have to thank JY, Andy, Chris, ZH, and finally Angel. While I am supposed to be the mentor, I'm sure I walked away with lessons learnt from the kids as well.

Finishing off my semester 1, I went for the first running event in my life! This is the beginning of many more runs to come. Although I didn't manage to make it for the StanChart marathon last year, I will make it this year! I will make sure I get to go! The 3 runs I managed to go are the PAssion Run, Nike+ Human Race 2009, and the Great Eastern Women's 10k. I will clock better timings this year!

Went for the CDAC June Camp (which was on 30^th May) this year. Although I went for last year's camp, I didn't manage to stay throughout due to my injuries. I'm glad that this year I stayed through the camp. Angel proved to be a challenge once again, but I hope that I met her expectations. Sometimes, I find myself giving in too much to her. Maybe in some way, I have condoned her wrong behaviours. However, I hoped that the bond we shared will motivate her to come back to SHG this year, just as Samantha did.

July came, and I packed my bags and headed to China! Went up Huangshan, visited Nanjing, and managed to catch the FULL solar eclipse while on the way to Hangzhou. It truly is a fulfilling trip and lots of new friends made in this trip. Thanks to kim who hosted me and paid for all my expenses. Thanks also to Li Sian & co who welcomed me, and to Jason for all his help during the shopping trip. I will go back to China and visit the other cities, for it's so big and yet so pretty.

Immediately after I come back to Singapore, it's back to school the next day. Semester 2 marks the beginning of my CP elective, which translates to a smaller class. I grew closer to Cindy, who was always there for me and helped me survive the crazy module with so many assignments. The Monday nights that we sat through Dr Lee's lectures, and the hurried walks to Can A to fill our stomachs, have truly been memorable. Thanks to Marie, Jacinda & Priscilla who made the class a whole lot more lively, as we bitch about Andrea and her never-ending-cum-senseless debates with Dr Lee.

My birthday came and went, and I have decided that hitting 24 means that I should no longer celebrate my birthday. Haha.. but I am grateful to all the friends who remembered and celebrated my birthday with me. Loo, Irene, xiang, cerise, jy, ling, hl, & brennie. Thanks to my Metro membership, I went for the makeover which I have always wanted to go; and also a nice massage! Of course, I cannot miss out kim who very nicely accompanied me =)

There are 2 big events at the end of the year.
1) Brennie's wedding
2) My Cambodia-Vietnam trip

Despite us having to stay up till 1am for the gate-crash, Brennie's wedding is very much looked forward to! My JC friend, the girl who accompanied me on most lectures in NUS, is getting married! So young, so lucky =) Ivan is an even more lucky man for being the groom. It was a wonderful 2 days; and although there were hiccups along the way, the whole event ended nicely. Congrats to Brennie & Ivan! Happily Ever After!!!

Finally comes the big trip that we have been planning towards. Cambodia is truly a wonderful place. People are so friendly and helpful. Perhaps it's the people I meet; perhaps it's the little gestures I received. Or maybe it was the smiles on the little faces when they received our sweets. I hope to be back, next time to be able to do more to help the little people. I hope that in my little meagre ways, I will be able to leave footprints in their lives.

My 2009 ended on a good note! A KTV session with the 姐妹 and 兄弟 of Brennie's wedding, and at the same time celebrating their newly wedded life. An exchange of gifts for Christmas and post-trips. NYE was even better, with friends coming over to my place for countdown. Ling had to leave early and HL can't make it. Thanks to JY, Cerise, Andy, Ben & Kim for making it a wonderful NYE! I certainly had fun chatting, and I hope we can continue with this tradition! =)

In the new year, I hope that things will stay the same, if not better. These are the things I hoped to achieve.

To work hard for my Master's, and to keep my GPA at its current level.
To welcome the arrival of an addition in the family, for its always a joyous occasion
Hopefully I'll be able to take my diving lessons
Complete more runs, clocking in better timings
Travel to more places. I hope I can join Andy for Europe, but I can't, forgive me Andy!
To meet up with my friends – XLYX, ex-81 girls, 02S81 friends.
Continue with my passion in SHG.
To go on an overseas mission, to help the people who need it.
To save more money! Stop spending like it's free.
To stay happy and healthy!

HAPPY 2010!!!!!

Cambodia – Phnom Penh Day 1

2010-01-04T14:19:00.002+08:00

I know I haven't blogged for the longest time ever – I am a lazy girl. Under the persuasion of kim, I have decided that I shall blog about my recent trip. I have to admit that I am starting to fall in love with Asia. It is a place with so much culture; so much history and things are CHEAP! Hahahaha..

19^th Dec 2009

Flying in to Phnom Penh on a Saturday morning, we started off by getting hungry and stranded at the International Airport. Our hostel was supposed to pick us up but I don't see anyone there. Great… I'm starting to get worried.. I do not know how to speak the Khmer language! Since that's the case, just get a transport to my hostel. As long as the tuk tuk can bring me there safely (and correctly), money is not a problem. (Actually, the hostel would have charged me the same price).

First experience with the tuk tuk concludes my current hatred for it. You have to understand that with so many vehicles discharging harmful waste into the air, and me breathing in the air while sitting in a tuk tuk beside them is NOT a good combination. But heck..as long as the tuk tuk can bring me to my hostel safely, I DON'T CARE. First impression of Me Mates is not fantastic. It's tucked in an ulu alley and seems like a normal hostel. I have to admit that the rooms are pretty clean and the bathroom is quite impressive. It would have been better if we were given a room with window – I would definitely love it more.
Point to note: Request with Ricky for a window room when you're there. He's a real friendly guy with a fantastic command of English – just a little off on the pronunciation sometimes. =)

After settling down in Me Mates Place, we were hungry. I mean like, SUPER hungry. Time seems to move slower here (probably due to the negligible 1 hr difference). It's not yet noon, but I'm so going for lunch. We walked to the Wat Phnom near our hostel before finding a nice place for food. It's just a normal temple, but to stay so near and not visit is 实在说不过去.

Found this nice place which is newly opened. New like, today. This lady speaks pretty good English and she was even able to explain to us what each dish is like - very friendly and helpful. Considering how hungry we were, this shall be it! I was so hungry; I didn't even bother taking pictures of the food. TUCK IN!

It's the first and the last time I ate this bread thingy. The lady mentioned that it's a local food, but it's really just like ham sandwich to me (with a twist). The vegetables that goes with it is not the normal vegetables that we add in our sandwich (think Subway). It's more like 腌菜.. Combined with the crunchy bread (a little like sourdough bread), it's yummy! Kim refused, because of the weird veggies in it.

With just a map that I zapped from Lonely Planet, we began our adventure around Phnom Penh. First stop: Central Market. At first sight, it's like a shopping paradise. Tons of backpacks which made Kim go, 'I should have just brought 2 plastic bags here and buy a bag home'. Budget and space constraints stopped us from buying a bag, although it's SO DAMN CHEAP! There's another 9 days of travelling to go, and having extra baggage on us just doesn't seem very wise. Walking along, I bought a tee shirt and Kim bought a belt for him mom. Super nice, quality is good, VERY VERY bling - perfect for him mom. Total damage: USD18. One of the record buys during the whole trip. We didn't buy much at the Central Market, as we're going to the Russian Market the next day! That would be the battleground for haggling of prices, and thus we shall reserve out energy for tomorrow.

Next stop: National Museum.
We wanted to take a walking tour around Phnom Penh, as suggested by Lonely Planet. (Ok, I wanted to walk. Kim just wants to slack or maybe take a tuk tuk). But it's not a good idea to be walking under the sun between the times of 12-2, as we later learned. It's super hot, it drains you of your energy. But we managed to find National Museum, after buying a bottle of water (which cost only USD 25 cents) on the way. Royal Palace doesn't open until 2, which leaves us wandering around. Entrance fee to National Museum is USD3, and it didn't match up to our level of interest. So we took pictures to prove that we've 到此一游.

Most of the sculptures here have either lost their hands or their head (as shown in the above picture). We were told that the damages were made during the war. It really is a pity, as most of the sculptures that I have seen are incomplete. We regretted not visiting the National Museum when we were at Angkor Wat. Apparently, the sculptures we saw at the temples around Angkor Wat are replacements and the originals are placed at this museum. Then again, I wouldn't have appreciated them unless I have already been to Angkor Wat.

A building beside Royal Palace. I have no idea what it is, but there are A LOT of pigeons residing on the roof.

Next up: Royal Palace and Silver Pagoda.
These 2 are the one of the main attractions in Phnom Penh. Do make a trip here if you can. The entrance fees are approx USD6 per pax, but it covers both sites. (Do not trust the rates mentioned in Lonely Planet – they might be outdated already). Another error is that the opening hours for the afternoon is from 2pm and not 230pm. Do watch your attire as shorts and sleeveless tops are not allowed into the Royal Palace. (However, I'm not sure how strictly do they enforce this. Apparently slippers are not allowed too but I wore slippers in.)

Photographs are generally not allowed inside the buildings (especially Royal Palace and Silver Pagoda), so I can only take pictures from the outside.

The seven-headed snake is commonly seen around Cambodia. The name is Naga, and can come with heads of 3, 5, 7, or 9 (You get the idea, it has to have odd-numbered heads). Our guide in Siem Reap told us its significance, but I can't really remember. According to Wiki, Nāgas were symbols of water and figured in the myths of origin for the Khmer people. Many stories surrounded the Naga, and one of it was the Mucalinda (Serpent King) who shielded Buddha as he sat in meditation.

If you think that the only places to see are the Royal Palace and Silver Pagoda, you are wrong. This is a HUGE place, and you can easily get lost if you head off in the wrong direction. The correct thing to do is to think like a Singaporean - go where the crowd goes. It saved us! We followed where the people went and found ourselves heading towards Silver Pagoda (yes they are pretty far apart).

Entering into the vicinity of Silver Pagoda, there are drawings on the walls with tons of 岁月痕迹. It's a long stretch of drawings depicting a story (which I have no idea what it is).

Silver Pagoda gets its name from the silver flooring in the temple's interior. However, due to wear and tear, they have carpet over the silver tiles. While I was there, there was a section with no carpets that was cordoned off. We assumed that restoration works are going on. Thanks to that, I managed to sneak my feet over the silver tiles and touched it. Haha.. it felt very cooling, and we were left wondering if the tiles were made from real silver (think 925 Sterling Silver). No pictures as cameras are not allowed inside the Pagoda.

I've since fallen in love with blue blue skies as backdrop for all my photos. Look at my blue blue sky!!!!!

Yay!!!!! Blue blue sky ends off my visit to Royal Palace + Silver Pagoda on a good note! It's now only 4+, and the trip took us less than 2 hours. You don't need a long time to tour the whole place unless you're scouting for good photo locations. The sky starts to get dark around 6 to 630pm (which is really around the same time for Singapore, considering the fact that Cambodia is 1 hour ahead of Singapore). After walking around the whole day, we decided to get a tuk tuk back to Me Mates even though it's rather close by.
Lesson 2: Everything can be bargained for a better price here. From an initial quote of USD2, the price was bargained to the USD1 that I was willing to pay.

We went back to Me Mates, rested for awhile and I changed out of my jeans. I would have changed out of it a long time ago, if not for the fact that shorts was not allowed in the Royal Palace. Since we had lunch at close to noon, we're pretty hungry by then. So…off to find dinner places!

We were just wandering around as we have no idea where are the dinner places. There's a stretch of restaurants and pubs along Tonle Sap River, which is just 3 minutes' walk from Me Mates. So we just walked along and guess what we saw?

People exercising along the river! They were doing exercises which looked awfully like the Great Singapore Workout. I was tempted to join them but Kim looked like he was gonna kill me himself if I did. So, no…dinner first.
Point to note: Traffic in Cambodia is very daunting. We were trying very hard not to cross roads unnecessarily as there were so many vehicles and no traffic lights or zebra crossings. Scary…

Further down the road a little, we found 路边摊!! Its really just 串烧 look-a-like, and was not dirt cheap to begin with. However, look at the sides it came with!!! All the veggies made the price suddenly seem worth it.

Lesson 1: Things are never what it seemed in Cambodia. When you think that it's too expensive, they surprise you with free veggies!

The 2 small 串烧 are insufficient in filling our stomachs up, and we carried on with our quest for more food. Restaurants and pubs are really aplenty here, but they seemed to cater to foreigners. We wanted something local, and at the same time safe-looking (aka no stomachache after dinner). And we found a pasar malam lookalike! So much food!!!! but all selling the same things. We settled on a stall with a rather steady flow of business and chose the food we want (sorry, too hungry to remember taking photos). They have mats in the middle of the clearing, with the food stalls forming the perimeter. You just pick your food, and sit down on the mat. They will serve your food when it's ready. One thing which impresses me a lot in Cambodia is that they provide tissue at ALL eateries. It's like a must-have. So friendly lor…

And the food is here!!!! I think this whole meal cost us less than USD5. And we couldn't finish everything, there's too much. The plate of veggies at the top is complementary. I think they give that when you order 串烧? We didn't get that when we ordered mains.

After a whole day of walking around, we were tired. Decided to find a nice pub and settle down for a drink. Beers are around USD1 here, and cocktails are about USD3-4. We found a pub which overlooks the Tonle Sap River. We found it more expensive initially, with cocktails at USD4. That was before we realized that cocktails are 1 for 1 during their Happy Hour (before 8pm). So we've got 2 glasses of very nice Long Island Tea. I mean, VERY nice. Might easily be the nicest I've ever had.

Its gonna be a long day tomorrow. Better rest early….

doing assignments again..

2009-11-07T21:50:00.003+08:00

A sign that I have grossly neglected my blog:
I can't even remember my username.

That's how bad it is..

But oh well.. if I have the time, I should be typing away on my assignment instead of blogging. I have 2500 words to complete in approx 60 hours. That translates to approx 42 words per hour, which is around 75 seconds per word.

It is not a lot, but I have not factored in the fact that I have absolutely no idea what I am going to write. No idea at all for the proposal. I don't want my assignment to be included as one of the articles for the next batch of students to critique. So paiseh....

Can anyone please give me a research idea to write about?
Alternatively, any offer to help me finish the readings will be deeply appreciated as well.

Why can't I just submit my old assignment? =(
Saves me the trouble of doing another proposal..
If only I got an A for my old assignment, I would have used it.
damn.. Lesson of the day: Always get an A for all your assignments. Saves you the trouble of doing a better one.

Ok.. time to get back to reading..
till the next time~

in the middle of the night...

2009-10-06T00:34:00.003+08:00

In the middle of the night.. while I am waiting for the HP online support help to reply...

1) The cats downstairs are noisily fighting away.. or they may be mating and I don't care.

2) Checked on blogs that I've not checked on in ages. Stupid workplace started to block blogs as well.

3) Got pissed off because that support guy is taking too long to reply.

4) Getting irritated because the guy is not helpful at all.

I am pissed off.

long overdue

2009-09-20T13:58:00.000+08:00

I know that I should have updated a long time ago. But it's just that, I've been feeling so lazy and unmotivated lately that I just don't feel like doing anything at all.

There's actually a lot of things waiting for me to do, and most of them are school related.

1) Finish up my long overdue assignment 1.
2) Do lit review for my research topic.
3) Source for participants to help me do my survey.
4) Start planning for my assignment 2.
5) Download the research proposal so that I can start doing my critique.
6) Do my readings, which are really piling up.
7) Buy a birthday present for my mom.
8) Plan a birthday dinner for my mom.
9) Buy mooncakes.
10) Quit my job. I hate it.

Argh! So many things to do, so unmotivated.
And I'm falling sick. what the crap.

And here I am, checking in on BC's update.
WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!

birthdays birthdays..

2009-08-24T11:25:00.003+08:00

This has to be one of the years where I had the most cakes.. and most celebrations.. I want to thank all my darlings for taking the time off to meet me for catch-ups and birthday cakes! =)

I know I still owe all of you photos.. but I haven't had the time to upload them.. I promise I will do it this week!

Went for a makeover photo shoot on my birthday, complimentary from The Makeover Inc. Though I ended up paying $100 for the photos, it's something I've always wanted to do. Hence, money well-spent. haha.. My own weird 'logical' explanations. I will upload the photos after I get them.

Decided to indulge myself in spa after that, to relax my tired muscles after the SBR 10km run on Sunday. Not bad, quite good. The lady wasn't too pushy as well. Walked to Fullerton and then Esplanade for dinner at Ichiban. Nice place to chill! Not too crowded, I like.

Managed to meet up with Brennie and Cerise on Tuesday at TCC Central. They got me a cake, at my preference. haha very nice! Warm and moist.. Brennie wasn't feeling too well that day, and it seems like many people are falling sick. Take care, people! Dont' fall sick! =)

Went to Brotzeit at Vivo with the ex-81 darlings on Saturday. It's a very nice place to chill, and the beer is quite nice too! Not too heavy, acceptable. I thought it's pretty nice and drank quite alot! hmm.. like Cerise said, we all felt quite sleepy after that.. It's the alcohol acting as a depressant la.. haha.. But with the sea breeze, dim lightings and nice ambience, I wouldn't be surprised if I started feeling sleepy from drinking fruit juice!

I would recommend you go there, even if you're not planning on trying authentic German food (like pork knuckles). I quite like the sausages.. just not the spicy one. It tasted a little like otak-otak to me.. haha.. The beer tasted like soft dirnks, according to JY.. =) You can go there and judge for yourself!

And yesterday, our darling xiang hosted us to lunch at her house! To celebrate the long overdue birthdays of loo, irene and me. She whipped up a delicious meal of Ham & Sausage Baked Rice in Cabonara, Baked Drumstick in nice-marinated-sauce-which-i-have-no-idea-what-is-that, and small side dishes, ended off with a Strawberry Cheesecake for her birthday darlings! (Photos are up in FB).

It's good to have friends who cook well. hee..

With the strings of meet ups last week, my week flew by in a whim and it's back to Monday Blues for me.. Thank you once again, to everyone who managed to squeeze time out to celebrate my birthday for me! It's been a heart-warming week~

I love you guys!!!!!! =)

back from China

2009-07-28T22:26:00.002+08:00

I'm back! It's a good trip. Really enjoyed myself.

I wouldn't say this is a shopping or a relaxing trip. I walked so much, I could've covered the whole of Singapore in the amount of distance we walked.
ok I was exaggerating. But I DID walk that much.

I am uploading the photos onto FB, so you can actually check it out over there. I am too lazy to upload it twice at different locations. Although it would really be much more fun to upload them here so that I can tell stories, I am lazy. hahahaha..

But it's a good trip. There were some 遗憾, but which trip doesn't? I shall save these for the next trip then. Provided I would still be able to go China in future.

I have to admit I am put off by the constant smoking, the spitting, the unreasonableness, and the scamming in Shanghai, the place and some of the people we met more than made up for it.

It was fun shopping with Jason. I mean like, REAL FUN. hahahaha gotta thank him for all the good bargains I got.
KTV was good too! Super worth it.. Company was fantastic too..

Lastly lastly, I have to thank d² for sponsoring my expenditure in this whole trip. It would not have been so fun without you =) You made all the difference this time round. I'm glad everything turned out ok and there were no major disagreements. Less the times when we were all worn out from the whole day and weren't as patient.

Thank you, d³ =)

ilmQBd²!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bad mood

2009-06-23T18:35:00.002+08:00

There are times when even a run will not be able to cheer you up.

This is the time.

wth. Life sucks sometimes.

SHG Camp 2009

2009-06-04T11:27:00.002+08:00

It has been a fulfilling camp this year. No accidents, only fun and more fun. It was great to be able to bond with my volunteers like that. The planning, the jokes and laughter, the squeezing into Chris's car (without the air bag), and late-night supper-cum-breakfasting at ECP Mac.

The camp would have been different without you.

JY, Andy, Chris, QL, Chingyuh, Yuwei, Weiqing, Jason, and last but not least, JACKO. hahahahhaa =)

It's not that easy to be our topic of discussion cum common enemy for the whole camp you know. I really miss the laughter that we shared. Even thinking about jokes that we've laughed at brings back giggles.

Not forgetting that QL told me to 'find the cab to go back' when I said I missed the SHG camp.

Thank you, all of you, for leaving such a wonderful memory for me =)

---

Chris reminded me that I have not checked my results for this semester. Quickly found the website for the results, and realised that it will only be released the next day.

Eagerly logged in on Tues, and voila! My results are out!

Not too bad, not too bad.. I'm very satisfied. I only hope that results of this standard will sustain as the semesters goes by..

Saucony 100PLUS PAssion Run

2009-05-24T12:14:00.003+08:00

I decided to challenge myself this new year and signed up for the 'Saucony 100PLUS PAssion Run' many months ago. As the date draws near, I started to pinch and scold myself for being too 'ons' about this. Isn't it better to stay home on a Sunday morning and just go for my usual Sunday-morning regimes? Rather than giving myself a target and training for it, especially during the 2 weeks break I had to take due to my leg injury.

Anxiety was rising 1 week before the run. The good thing that came out of it is that I was forced to push myself to train - told myself to go run despite feeling all lazy. When I took a break, I would feel all guilty about it later. Gave myself the excuse on Friday that I needed a break, which ended up with me cycling for half an hour instead of running. I need a break from running..

Bin & SIL slept over last night. Had felt pretty bad about it, but they had to come down anyway to drop Ayden for the night. So this morning, we woke up at 530 in preparation to leave the house at 6. Bin's run would flag off at 7, so we had to be here early. Started to scold myself for not getting a milo drink or grabbed a braed before leaving the house. The run for me will only start at 8, I'm so gonna be hungry.

Reached ECP at 645. The sun had yet to rise and here I am, for the run which will only start 1 hour later. I really should've signed up for the competitive run instead, which would save me 50 mins of waiting. Luckily there was my SIL with me, and I'm still waiting for loo to arrive. I wonder where her friend parked.

7.50am. We're in line, hoping that we can be flagged off in the first wave. The horn sounded, and drums were rolling. People started moving, but I am still stuck in the middle. It's started to become warm and the sun shines down on us. I'm so beginning to feel hot and people crowds around me as well, especially when the realisation that I will have to wait for the second wave of flag off sets in. I start to call loo and ask where she is..

8am. Finally, it's time for us to go; but I cannot run! Too many people, and there's no place for me to move. With my SIL in front of me, I followed her. It finally comes a point where I decided that I will go nowhere being stuck with the crowd. Turned around and told my SIL that I will go off first, and I cut through the crowd by running onto the grasspatch. Finally people are moving and I am able to find a spot where I can jog comfortably. Slowly, slowly.. There's 10km in total that lies in wait for me...

1km. I'm starting to wonder if there will be signages which tells me how far I've ran. It had seemed forever bfore I saw the 1km mark. I was starting to feel a little tired. Oh no! It's only 1 km, how am I going to continue the rest of the run? Gotta hang in there, and at least finish 5..

2km. First water station. Took a glass of water to fill my stomach. I was worried about not grabbing a small bite this morning. Running on an empty stomach for 10km didn't sound like a good idea to me. Oh, on the opposite track is the 4km mark. 2 more km to go before I come to this point.

3km. The turning point. It's finally time for me to turn back. It seems like a long run back...

4km. This is where I normally stop when I run on the track. Normally, I would be panting and perspiring like crazy. Today I feel ok. Tired, but I can still continue.. On to the 5km mark...

5km. 5km is usually my limit. I would start to feel tired, legs would feel vey heavy. Again, today I feel ok. I wonder whether it's due to the water stations along the way (where I would walk for 10m while I rehydrate myself). Anyway, I've reached the halfway mark but yet to pass by the tentage. Another 5km to go...

6km. The finishing point for the 5km runners. Rehydrated myself again and pressed on. Maybe I should walked from the 7th to 8th km, before running the last 2km. I wonder if I will be able to finish the whole distance.

7km. This is it. The point where I told myself I would walk. But I'm still ok. I can still run. Slow, but I can continue. I'm just wondering where on the earth is the turning point. This feels like forever.. I shall continue to run, and finish it. This is the challenge I'm giving myself..

8km. Finally, I see the turning point. I presume this is the 8km point, since I didn't see the signage. Or maybe I was too tired to notice.. 2 more km to go.. Continue running!!!!

9km. It says '14km'. That is 1 more km for me. ONE MORE KM! I can do this. I still have energy. I can finish running the whole run! Go xuan. go!

9.9km. People were cheering me on. Lots of passer-bys were saying '50 meters more to go'. I started to pick up speed..

10km. I FINISHED THE RUN! It wasn't so much about the timing, but the fact that I ran the whole 10km (ok other than the short rests I took while at the water stations. I hate to run while drinking water). It felt good. I finished it and didn't feel like I was dying. That's a good sign.

10km. 75 minutes.

NEXT TARGET: Singapore Bay Run and Army Half Marathon. =)

to all dear readers of my blog...

2009-05-14T11:59:00.001+08:00

Please do me a favour by not asking me about kim

Thank you (",)

run away..

2009-05-13T10:05:00.003+08:00

It's so irritating when you want a reply but no one is answering your question. You don't know whether you should continue to wait for the reply or push for an answer. What if the person accuse you of pressurizing them again? But.. I really need a firm reply to continue with what I have to do.. I cannot stand at a stalemate forever and not do anything..

I don't know if others understand, but sometimes you cannot be selfish all the time. You have to give the person a reply. Is it positive or negative? Is it yes or no? Do you want or do you not want?

C'mon.. allow others to move along in their lives as well..

I can be passive, but I cannot be the one pushing things along forever. I will wear out at some point in time as well. Do you understand this theory?

Do not see a guy as your future if you are only his option..

rejected

2009-05-05T15:24:00.002+08:00

It's never a nice feeling to be rejected.
You thought that it's going to be ok this time, and you jumped in despite the fear that it might not work out.
You're willing to give up something else for this decision you made.
But in the end, the result is still the same.
Rejection... is really not a nice feeling..
But I have to admit, I did heave a sigh of relieve.
I didn't know what to expect; it is still a novel thing to me.

I was rejected for blood donation la..
What were you guys thinking? hahaha..

---

不是我不说就不在意空等候
原来你没想像中那么爱我
我不能再从你的怀抱感觉到什么
不爱我别再说假装爱那是撒盐在伤口

谁说我不在意空等候原来
你从来都没深刻爱我
我才懂不是我不心痛
其实是心没了感受

失望

2009-04-22T01:38:00.001+08:00

很久没有这么失望过了

你有没有试过，想了很久，徘徊了很久之后，终于决定拨一通电话？
电话响了。。。
然后你问了一句：“你睡熟了吗？”
对方的答复是：“你是谁？”

who cares

2009-04-22T00:39:00.001+08:00

you know who cares when they scold you for doing something you know you shouldn't.
you know who cares when they telly you not to do things you know you should't.
and i know who cares, and who don't.

thank you, for every single one of you who told me not to run.
thank you, for every single one of you who told me to work had.
thank you, for every single one of you who wished me good luck.

all, of whom does not include you.

hurts..

2009-04-21T00:02:00.002+08:00

my leg's not recovered, apparently.
hurts a little.
here and there.

how do you know if someone cares abt u?
it's so abstract right?

i need a run.. a good long run...
maybe tomorrow.

similarities..

2009-04-20T23:41:00.002+08:00

Have I mentioned before that Angel really remind me of myself?
She does.. more than anyone ever imagine..
Maybe that is why I can understand her.. Maybe that is why I like her..
Because she remind me of myself..

I can understand that she don't mean what she says.
How some people may not be able to tolerate the way she talks, her speech patterns actually strikes a cord in me.
Beneath all her toughness, she really just trying to protect herself.
It's a defense mechanism. Something she has learnt. Something which works.
Because thinking affects speech, and thus affects behavior.
Talking tough makes one feel tough..

So, I can understand.

ouch

2009-04-18T12:15:00.002+08:00

My leg's been hurting for the past 1 week.
Brush it off as not being serious, I didn't see a doctor last week.
Then I got busier, and didn't have time to pay the doctor a visit.
But it got worse, and I had difficulty walking for the past few days..

So.. I went to the doctor this morning..
And it was OUCH la! super painful!!!!
When he rubbed my ankle, it was madness lor..
Told my dad "Just 'cause I didn't scream in pain, doesn't mean it's not painful"

So now my leg's in a bandage..
Can only take it off on monday.. =(
Asked the physician what's the problem, he said I might have injured my leg..

So now I'm home, working on my assignments and resting my leg...

Am in the KTV mood after watching 百万大歌星
after wednesday, after wednesday...

pissed. stressed. tired

2009-04-17T09:18:00.002+08:00

I was so stressed when I woke up this morning.
The journey to work did not work for me either.
Coming into the office and saying 'good morning' with a smiley face did not make me happier.
Thank god for Ethan. He has to be the only one who can bring a smile to my face right now.

Monday.
Wednesday.

I can't wait for Thursday, and yet I dread it.

You know how the Chinese always say
屋漏偏逢连夜雨
I totally understand how it feels.

It really feels very comforting when people come up to you and show you concern. Simply gestures, telling you to 'work hard' and 'jiayou'.
Telling you that they're always there for you to turn to.
It's really really heart warming, and I appreaciate it.
Really. Thanks, loo..

That's what I need right now.

3 essays, 3 reflection assignments, 1 test.

Wish me luck.

tired

2009-04-10T17:13:00.004+08:00

don't know whether is it the deadlines coming up, or the happenings at work..
feeling so tired recently..
not physically. emotionally. it's like there's a million and one things to do, but i cannot finish it, not motivated to finish it.. but in the end i still have to deal with it.
alone.

jon was telling me to get myself a choc cake and pamper myself after working so hard..
no point pampering myself lar..
pamper 了还不是一样..
save the money.

no one for me to complain to.. argh..
so tired.. i want to throw all my readings and papers and text books out of the window.
i want to go for a walk, do some shopping, nua with my girls, laugh.
it's so easy and yet so difficult to laugh.

getting my new specs tomorrow. can't wait.
and then i might go crazy and snip off my hair.
maybe.

is there anyone who will stop telling me what to do, what i should do, how i should feel; and listen to what i want to say?
i cannot counsel myself. damn..
now i know how i should never never give advise.
it's irritating; especially when you don't know anything.

i miss ethan.. come back soon, i miss you..

chocolate

2009-04-08T17:16:00.002+08:00

I have a tendency to eat whenever I'm upset/stressed/unhappy.
And not just anyfood. Specifically comfort food, i.e. chocolates, ice-cream (chocolate ice-cream), cakes (e.g. cheesecake, my Coco Exotic)... I guess I'm a very chocolate person; and when it comes to chocolate, the purer the better. Super dark ones are yummmmm..

haha.. So here I am, having a chocolate craving, and reading about blog posts about cakes and chocolates. So super tempted lar.. So many cakes I want to try..but no time, no company, no money.. hahaha..

Maybe I should come up with a list of the places I want to eat in. But then that would mean extra hours running, burning off the extra calories. And extra money spent, hence lightening my the weight of my wallet. Sighs...

I have craving for the chocolate eclair I had at 4 Leaves yesterday. Babe was so nice..she bought 2 eclairs because there was a promo, and she gave one to me!!! So sweet la~~ she knows I like the eclair there.
Was recently converted after finding a good eclair at 4 Leaves.. just 2nd to Beard Papa. Economical and nice enough to satisfy my chocolate craving.

I need another chocolate serving man.... got craving liao la... *sniffs sniffs*

appreciated

2009-04-06T10:11:00.004+08:00

During SHG on Saturday, I was chitchatting with my student again. This talkative girl who doesn't do her work until the last minute. She reminds me of myself sometimes..maybe that's why I really like her.

Anyway, she was complaining to me again about her not being able to see, and that her mom does not want to change her specs for her. I realised her degree is really deep and she cannot see at all. She's probably around 300 degrees and she doesn't wear specs - her old specs are way past her current degree.

I talked to Chris to see what we can do. He made a call and informed her parents that we realised she cannot see in class. Later on during the day, she msg-ed me and sounded like she blamed me because I told her dad about it. I was worried, because I did not let her know before I called. On hindsight, I should have. She should be treated like an adult, and I definitely do not like to have people calling my parents behind my back! So I apologized to her about it...and guess what! She seemed to be happy about the possibility that her dad might bring her to make new spectacles!

Later in the day, she told me she went to have her eyesight tested and ordered a new pair of specs at the same time. She told me about how much does it cost, and what's the color etc.. Then she said something which made me feel appreciated.

She said, "You're nicer than my school teacher. She didn't care when I told her I cannot see."

So happy lar!!!!!!! =)
(But her being her,she didn't say it so nicely..haa.. there was some not-so-nice yet-not-vulgarities words inside.)

Small incidents like this really made my day.

---

Went shopping in Chinatown with mom & dad yesterday. I haven't went out with them for quite some time, since we're always at home with the nephews. So, we decided to make a trip down Chinatown yesterday.

Was shopping around because mom was looking for a jacket for her upcoming trip. In the end she bought so many other irrrelevant stuff, like clothes, bah kwa etc..

Oh oh oh!! And I found this place in Chinatown which sells REALLY CHEAP toiletries and beauty products. They even have Laneige!! I felt like 省钱王 lor.. The shop is called Swanston, located on the 2nd floor of the just-renovated building behind OG.

So I was with my parents, and it felt so nice to be out with them. Walking around; laughing and making jokes with one another; listening to my dad talk about the past; waiting for my mom to try new clothes and giving her comments. There wasn't good food, nothing spectacular - but it was a day well-spent.

I feel so happy to be a daughter to my parents =)

---

Footnote: I'm always irritated with shopowners to talk to my mom about clothes-making like they're some expert; and shopowners who talk to my dad about doors/furniture like they're experts too.

And I don't like male shopowners who wants to persuade my mom to buy something, acts zealously overenthusiastically and try to persuade me too. -.- Especially so when they tap me on the shoulder or something along that line. I mean like, KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF LAR!

sighs..

2009-02-25T00:44:00.001+08:00

why isn't Counselling 101 part of the essential modules that everyone has to take in some point of their life?
you know how people always have the misconception that psychologists can read others' mind?
it's not that tough, actually
it just boils down to listening to what others have to say, and to take notice of the other person's actions. remember what he/she tells you.

but i have realised that not everyone is able to do it.
because it's a skill to listen to someone. to just listen and not give your own input. to put the other person's needs above your own. to focus on the other person.

i can listen to someone talk.
i can focus and put the other party's need above my own.
but who notices me?

my happening vday~

2009-02-15T12:25:00.003+08:00

I had a very happening Valentine's Day yesterday.
First of all, I had to make a Tiramisu for the potluck due at my house last night.

Because it was so rushed, not everything was done. I took a few short cuts here and there, but overall the reviews weren't too bad. Thankfully ah, if not I'll feel quite bad. 'Cause it's supposed to be ling's bday cake~

haha.. see how happy she is with the 'cake'... I even had candles at home for her.. But women being women, we decided that it's not too nice to reveal her age. 1 small candle will do...
managed to do a mini celebration for her. didn't go out since it's likely to be super crowded everywhere we go - it IS vday afterall. Don't want to go out and 人挤人 with all the lovers out there.

However, I still managed to get into the love-is-in-the-air crowd yesterday, with a KTV session in the morning and shopping-cum-nuaing session with loo.

Andy jio-ed us to go KTV yday, and joined by me cerise & ss. Personally, I think we had quite a 'high' session yday. With Andy around, it's a little difficult not to get high.. haa..

Because I am the photographer, so there's no photo of myself. haha.. too bad la, I don't like to take photos that much.. I'm fat and 自卑... *sobs*

Managed to meet up with loo for a short while in the afternoon. She accompanied me to get a present for ling. We decided to nua at the Starbucks near Shaw, since she prefers Starbucks.. and Starbucks has my Green Tea Soy Latte..

Went to Bugis after the Starbucks..since loo wanted to go Bugis.. So Bugis we went!!! Walked around Bugis, and loo told me what she wants as a vday present.. looks very nice, but she don't want the big one.. I told her the big one is nice, but she shy.. wahahahha..
girl ah.. big one is nice ma.. you ah, so silly~ =)

I needed to leave Bugis by 6 already, but I was supposed to collect a present from someone... Gotta wait for a call before I can leave.. Was very worried, 'cause the girls are waiting for me at Lot1..then i'm still stuck at Bugis cannot leave...

So at 645, the person I was supposed to meet finally came.. Passed me the present, we exchanged a few words, and I had to leave for CCK with loo..

I was supposed to call the giver of the present before opening it.. So I sent loo off before settling nicely on the train and made the call..
Hmm.. he already told me last night that it's just chocolate, 'cause he's broke liao.. But he insisted on me calling him before opening the present once I got it.. Somemore he said, giving chocolates to me in front of my friends very bo seh..
Oh well.. the call finally got through, but the reception a little bad..

ME: Eh.. I got the present already..

HIM: Oh you got already ah? Have you opened it?

ME: Haven't la.. you told me to call you before I open it right? So I never open lor..

HIM: Oh okok.. now you can open the present liao..

ME: Hmm ok.. you wait ah.. (Opens the wrapper.. and found another layer of newspaper inside..) Eh.. got another layer of newspaper leh..

HIM: Huh is it? Haha.. I only told him to wrap, the newspaper not I tell him one.. Ok then you open the newspaper la..

ME: Hmm.. Wah wrap until very tight leh.. Your brother 耍我啊... Somemore it's 一整份晚报 leh.. 很厚啦!

HIM: Haha.. So you open the present already?

ME: Ya I open already.. (He told me it's gonna be chocolate, and IT IS chocolate la.. So having seen the present, I put it back into the bag..) [see picture of chocolate aka Ferrero Rocher below]

HIM: Eh ya lor.. I no money liao, so have to get my brother to buy chocolate lor.. You don't mind right?

ME: It's ok la.. You no money liao ma.. Better save up your money, no need to waste the money on present la..

HIM: Hmm you really don't mind ah.. Eh to show that you don't mind, you eat one la..

ME: Siao ah, I'm on the MRT leh.. you want to pay the S$500 for me ah? haha..then you'll be more broke lor.. Cannot la..

HIM: Haha..then you must at least open the chocolate la.. Sorry leh, I can only afford Ferrero Rocher..

ME: (Opens the Ferrero Rocher..but realises that the tape on packaging looks like it's been opened before already..) Never mind la.. It's the thought that counts ma.. (Looks under every single Ferrero, but nothing extra.. Looks like normal Ferrero ma...)

HIM: You take one up and eat la..

ME: Cannot..I'm on the train..

HIM: Then you open up lor.. You at least open 1 lor..

ME: Hmm which one..?

HIM: The middle one la..

ME: (opens up the middle Ferrero..) Eh.. What is this???

Ok so it wasn't a normal present like it seemed to be.. There's something extra inside and the Ferrero is to make me sian diao that he gave such a simple present.. Ok la, I have to admit that it did work to a certain extent.. I suspected something more but was disappointed when it DOES look like it's just a normal Ferrero.

But...got extra present lor..

=)

Happy Valentine's Day...

valentine's day

2009-02-12T09:32:00.002+08:00

Valentine's Day's coming! I can feel it already!! hahaha..

Because this delivery guy knocked on our doors and sent flowers to my office!!! But he was asking for Veronica Goh.. -.-

There's no Veronica Goh in my office la! *sads* The bouquet's meant for the office next door. And all 3 of us ladies were kaypoh-ing and standing at our door, looking out for the lucky lady who received flowers.

but no one answered the door la. I think they're out, since they're seldom in. So...we told the delivery guy we'll take the flowers for her and pass it to her later! haha.. Me n Dian excited looked at the flowers and wondered who sent them.. I had to tell her: 'Boyfriend la!!'; to which April said it could be the husband.. haha..

I offered to contact their boyfriends and husbands, to order flowers and have it delivered to our office.

GUYS OUT THERE!
go order flowers for your girlfriend! Don't cite excuses like: "I don't have time la." You can order online...like what this sweet guy did for my fellow colleague: http://1800onlines.com/
and if you say you have no money, there's a special discount for tertiary students...no more excuses!!!! =)

it's just once a year...go on and spend a little to make this day special for her..

my mom

2009-02-11T22:10:00.002+08:00

I was studying in my room when my mom walked into my room and asked me if I have a backpack. So I pointed out one of my cupboards to her and asked her to take it out herself.

Being my mom, she happily opened my cupboard and started to take out my bags. But me being me, my things are packed to the brim and it's not that easy to put it back. So I told my mom (in Hokkien): 你要拿出来就要会放回去hor。我不会帮你放回去的咯。

Mommy laughed heartily and proceeded to drag out all my bags..

Me: “Eh! 你全部拉出来，then 你等一下一定不会放回去的咯。”

Still, mommy carried on laughing heartily and continued to drag all my bags out...

Mommy: “哎呀，我就是不会做贼咯。”

In the end ah, when mommy finally which bag she wants, she proceeded to arrange the stuff in my cupboard back to its original positions; and she realised that things don't fit in anymore....

Me: “你看！我跟你讲你一定放不回去得咯。”

Mommy (laughing): “哈哈哈。哎哟很惨leh。不懂为什么，我就是不会做贼leh。”

Me: “han nah!! wa diu gang li gong li bang bue lid liao lor. jin e si hor li ki pai ah.”
(translates from Hokkien to English:Yar lar! I already told you that you won't be able to put it back. Really angry one lehs..)

Mommy (laughs non-stop): "Wa, li e Hokkien jin ho hor."
(Wah, your Hokkien is very good hor)

Me: "Han nah. Li dad pai ma boy-boy ma si a ni kuan ma e."
(Yar lar, that's how you scold boy boy all the time)
(Boy boy = the naughty nephew at home)

My mom is so funny...

i wonder...

2009-02-11T16:46:00.002+08:00

like I said, I'm more motivated to update when I changed my template; because I want to see movement in my blog.. haha..

yesterday, I realised that I have not had a proper meal in ages. real proper one like rice and vege and meat. haha..
like monday, I only had oats in the morning, then Mr Bean pancake in the afternoon and a Mr Bean biscuit at night for dinner. It's so random lor, and I don't feel like I ate anything.

haven't had a proper run in ages. decided to have a run yesterday and it started to rain. carried on running though, and the feeling of jogging in the rain brings me back to when I was younger..

I miss JC days. I really do; those were the most carefree days of my life thus far..

I have so many decisions I need to make. So far, I think I've come to a conclusion for some. There are many more I need to make, but I think I can get over it. In the meantime, I shall concentrate on the tasks on hand first. Shall not worry too much about what's going to come..

By July, everything should be pretty much sorted out..
If things can go according to my plan, July should be a time for change.

So looking forward to it~
my only motivation...

new template

2009-02-10T23:57:00.002+08:00

it's amazing how changing my template always make me feel happier
and I haven't done it for ages.
now i feel more motivated to update my blog. haha..

this song has been playing in my head the whole day.
or rather, this sentence..
爱一个人最后怎会这么的可笑

too many things..

2009-02-10T11:33:00.003+08:00

so many things going on in my life..
so much negativity..

sometimes, I guess the only positivity in my life is the people who showed their concern for me.
he who is worried about me when I do not reply, especially when he knows I'm down.
and she who supports me when I msg her and confide in her.

how do you tell when someone is lying to you?
lie detectors are proven not to work. Detection of Deception methods does not work.
not when the person is bent on lying to you.
people can get so good at lying, you don't even know what is true and what is not.

modern technology has a play in it.
we send sms-es and msn all the time, we no longer communicate face to face.
so how do we look at the person in the eye and make him/her show his/her sincerity?
we can't. so we're now good at lying, and bad at detecting the lies.

too much pretense in my life.
too many false fronts.
and not everyone can look at it the same way as you.
others might not think that the situation is that bad, but who are they to decide for you?
who are others to decide if you're hurt, whether you should leave or stay?

there's so much anger, so much hatred in me.
it's the kind that, you just want to take revenge on the whole world.
and make everyone pay for the kind of pain you're going through.

it's the kind that, 就算俩败俱伤都无所谓
你就是要他/她付出所应得的代价。
因为不甘心。你不甘心就让他能不负责任。

可是女人啊！值得吗？
为了一口气而放弃你的尊严
还是因为尊严受到威胁所以不能就这么算了。
是要为自己争一口气吗？
因为不能就这样让人欺负你。是要证明自己吗？

it's so irritating and stifling..

i have no idea what i'm doing with my life

2009-01-19T10:27:00.000+08:00

i'm tired...

缺席

2009-01-02T11:39:00.003+08:00

Spent my NYE with the ex-81 girls: cerise, JY, ling, HL, ben and kim.
ok ben's not from ex-81, but then, who cares as long as we enjoy ourselves? We all had great fun. Spending the last hour of the year hearing ben's story, playing cards, counting down, laughing and wishing each other a happy new year.

We should do this every year.

Next event I'm looking forward to: CNY!
I want to spend every free moment of my life either with the people I care about or doing something meaningful.
Like, spring cleaning my room.

The negative thing about working is that I have an extra place to clean. haha.. I don't understand how some can allow their rooms to be so untidy?
ok I have to admit that my room is untidy most of the time. But it doesn't mean that I am happy about it. The laziness is just too overpowering.

I don't like to wash the crockery, but I like to clean! haha.. I like the feeling of going through old stuff and throwing things away; then wipe the tables and drawers clean. Best if there's nothing left at the end of the day! hahahah.. My table shall be clean and empty.
I'm only halfway through my room: only managed to clean the desk and bedside drawers. There's still the bookshelf and wardrobe. I'm gonna throooooow everything away. hahahhaa..

When it comes to the new year, are there other stuff that need some clearing up? Other than the physical belongings, what about the emotional ones? Should you make use of the chance that it's the new year to 整理 all your emotional baggages? Anyone whom you wish to mend your relationship with? Someone you let down and wish to apologise to? Someone you've always wanted to know but never had the courage to? Someone whom you no longer hate and wish to let him/her know?

Perhaps now is a good time to do so.

I always feel that as we mature, 很多事其实不需要那么执著..
就算你气了一辈子又怎样？你得到了什么吗？
只有恨和悔，不值得吧？　
得过且过吧，不要到老的时候还有一个遗憾

Friends who have found their soulmate are fortunate people.. They have someone who understands them, know them, and is waiting for them (and vice versa). You may quarrel all the time, but you know deep down that this person is an important part of your life.

I love this phrase Cerise said: 我们都已经走到这里。。。导火线的原因哪里还会是你呢?

so sweet... 我觉得她好幸福。　=)

如果有一人应该属于你的生命，就不要让他（她）缺席太久
I want to make use of the new year to keep on celebrating, with my old friends. Those whom I treasure and want to keep, but have somehow drifted a little over the years. We know that we will always be there for each other, but it could've been more.

I want to stop looking back years down the road and regret that I didn't do more.

Merry Christmas!!

2008-12-24T11:31:00.002+08:00

'Tis the season to be jolly~~

This would be a fruitful christmas.. with meetups with friends and presents exchanging all over the place..
It would fit how the Chinese always say 施比受更有福.. It's happy to see your friends smile happily when they receive the presents, because I am happy when I receive gifts!
It doesn't matter whether it's an expensive gift.. It's the thought that counts.. =)

But I feel bad when someone gives me an expensive present and I haven't gotten anything in return.. That being said, you don't have to wait till Christmas to buy someone a gift!

So, while it's still Christmas Eve, go out there and get something small for someone significant - be it your family, your significant other, your friends or even your colleagues.. They won't care how much it cost, it's the thought that counts.. =)

Merry Christmas!!!!!!

it's a good feeling

2008-12-17T10:24:00.003+08:00

In the last 1 week that my brother has been staying at home, I felt that I've grown closer to him than in the past few years.

We have more similar interests than we know.

For one, we both love anime. So that day, while I was watching Naruto, my brother asked me which episode am I watching. Then he passed me the latest episode which he downloaded.
We ended up discussing Naruto, and apparently he's been following up on Naruto's manga. And he told me that a lot of people died already! Like Jiraiya... AND KAKASHI!!!!! *bursts out crying*

Anyway, I'm going out of point.. The point is, we have another similar interest - exercise! So when I reached home yesterday and changed into my jogging attire - just in case I backed out on myself last minute - my brother asked me about my jogging route. We spent a few minutes discussing, and he said he's going to change too. MY BROTHER IS GOING JOGGING WITH ME!!!! woohoo!!! That's a first, but I don't think I can catch up to his speed. He's a marathon finisher for many years already la; I'm no match for him in terms of speed or stamina.

He was nice though - jogged at my speed until the last stretch, where he told me he'll meet me at the end. We even saw a lady jogging in slippers, and he turned to me and uttered his disbelief. haha.. It was a good experience.

It's like, I never expected myself to be able to do something alongside my brother. All along, it's like he's this unattainable lead where I'm trying to match up. A little like living in his shadow. But now, I see myself not as his little sister anymore. Not an equal yet, but almost there. =)

And it's definitely a good feeling. I can connect to my brother better now, I think. hee..

=)

what in this world..

2008-12-11T10:13:00.002+08:00

I must say I've been doing a lot of thinking recently. I have a friend who tends to spur my thoughts and make me think.

What can make a person so angry and so full of hatred with the world, that he wants to take revenge on this world with his entire life-worth of happiness? What has happened in his life to make him lose the belief? What had he went through to accumulate so much hatred?

In my perspective, nothing is worth it. Nothing in this world is worth you sacrificing your happiness for. Your life is yours, and no one else would care how hurt you are; because you're not their concern. So how worhtwhile is that?

How do you define a relationship? Is it the physical aspect of it or the emotional aspect of it?
A friend said: when 2 hearts fits into one another, it's a bond that can't be broken thru distance nor time. With that, a conclusion that the emotional aspect is more important because the physical aspect of it can be obtained from any other woman; the emotional aspect of it is what really really lasts.

I have to agree. So many mistakes I have made along the way, so many things I realised I shouln't hav given in. And yet, mistakes and been made and people don't learn all the time. Like I said, you don't fully recover from stupidity.

I don't like to have people reading my thoughts as well - makes me feel vulnerable too. But what I didn't tell you is that I like to read what you're thinking. Which makes you potentially dangerous as well..

We're just 2 similar beings..

words of wisdom

2008-12-09T20:15:00.002+08:00

I didn't know I could say so much words of wisdom. I guess things are different when you have to think on the spot. When you're talking to someone and desperately trying to get him to see things from your point of view, you have to think super fast. I realised that's when many words of wisdom come out from. hahaha.. I can be a wise lady too ;)

Anyway, xuan's usual belief of things happening for a reason still holds true. Until the thing happened, you never know why it happened. Even when I'm helping someone look at things from a different point of view, I begin to see things from another view too. It helps me, at the same time that I helped him.

Someone said, even when things are impossible, it's possible.
Because 'impossible' says 'I m possible'

And someone said that life is full of IFs..
That's why it's spelled as L-IF-E..

I've never seen it in this light before. I feel so enlightened.. haha..
It feels nice to have someone teach me things for a change.

Anyway, I was thinking a lot when I went jogging today..
It struck me that, there are many things in which women overestimate themselves; and one of the mistakes women often make in a relationship is in thinking that she can change the man.
The man will never change; maybe temporarily but nor permanently. You may go into a relationship thinking that 'It's ok that he has this flaw now. He may change for me in the future.'

Abandon this thought, women. It's not going to happen. The man you see now will most likely be the man you see many years down the road. The change may come in the form of compromise; they may compromise a certain extent of their habits for you, but the habit will never go away.

Likewise, the positive side of him is likely to stay too.

I have to agree with some of the negativities in life. Like, how greedy all of us really are; how greedy I really am. I am a selfish and greedy girl. I want all the best things in life. I want someone to be tied down by me, but I don't want to be tied down by anyone. I want the freedom to choose amongst all the options I have, and yet I want everyone else to only have eyes for me.

Look at how greedy human really is.

If you keep focusing on the things that you do not have in life, most likely you will miss what you already have in your possession. Yet at the same time, people keep striving for the best they can have in life, which is why they want more. They are not contented with what they already have; and that is why at the end of the day, they may end up losing more than what they entered the picture with.

I don't know if my flame is still burning.. I don't know whether I really believe in what I believe. I do know that some of the things I used to believe in are no longer there. As I grow up, the black and whites are no longer clearly defined; grey areas are everywhere.

Who is to judge what is right and what is wrong? Who is to judge me? Who is to judge you?
So what if what I did was wrong? My rationale was right; and that's what more important to me.

Life sucks sometimes.. hahahha..
oh well~

need a change

2008-11-21T11:25:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I just hate my life.
Hate the mundane-ness of it.
I hate getting up in the morning and getting dressed to go to work; repeating it and get all excited over the arrival of Fridays. Spend the weekend chilling out, then complain about the start of the week on Mondays again.

I miss the feeling of not knowing which day of the week is it - because it simply doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter where I go, what I do, and what time is it - because it doesn't matter too.

I don't want to search for articles online, don't want to type reports - why should all these matter to me? I don't want to listen for people talking behind my back; don't want to do things simply because someone will be watching me all the time; don't want to have to watch my back all the time.

Sucks. Big time.

I'd rather be somewhere out there, cursing and swearing at people I don't know because they made my life difficult.

What am I doing here?

I know how whiny I sound, but what am I doing with my life?
I don't want to work because I need a job.
I don't want to stay on in this job because I need the money.
I don't want to do things because that's what I'm supposed to do.
I don't want to smile at people because they expect me to do that.
I don't want to second-guess the intentions of others.

I want to go out there and meet people.

Yes you shoud've realised by now.
I'm pms-ing.
Damn.

hurry up and finish your exams!

2008-11-13T18:24:00.001+08:00

i told somebody that his exams better end fast. i'm bored.
cannot disturb him.
快点考完啦！

work

2008-11-13T12:32:00.003+08:00

I know i'm supposed to post pictures from my Australia trip. I promise I will do so, but not now la. I don't have the pictures with me anyway.

And for those of you who does check your Facebook, I have some pictures up there already. So do check it out there if you don't want to wait.

Anyway, I was having this conversation with Yishu yesterday on work passion. How do you maintain the passion for your job? How do you know when it's time to move on to a new place? Generally, I think you will know when you want to move on. But there are more factors for consideration than you think there are.

Have to 调整一下心情...
I'm randomly complaining again.

Oh and by the way, I'm hooked onto Sushi, especially Ichiban. haha..
I like to meet up with friends and talk crap.. and I like to drive through town randomly at night..

and I want to sit down somewhere in the middle of the night and just nua without a concern in the world, like how I have to go home early because I need to work tomorrow. sucky feeling..
I miss Australia...

And I want to go shopping.. want to buy skirt, shoes and bag..
Eh wait.. bags are a necessity. My bag's falling apart.

can't wait for the weekend to come..
and not looking forward for the weekend to be over..

Brisbane, Cairns, Brisbane..

2008-10-27T09:13:00.000+08:00

I love to travel. Meeting new people, just sitting down and listening to their stories. Makes me understand that life is something much bigger than what I am experiencing.

There isn't anything more boring than listening to someone else's travel stories, I once heard. But I beg to differ. Listening to their stories makes me want to travel; and makes me want to see the world. I wonder whether I will ever have the chance to achieve that one day.

Just leave everything behind and travel around the world.
But first, I need to quit my job and still have enough money in my bank account to sustain my trip.

Right now, I shall just enjoy what I have. The sun, the relaxed mood, the boys' laughter, the nua-ing around, the sightseeing, the adventuring.
I've tried more things on this trip than I ever had. Thanks to Loo, she's been great. We are both daredevils who had many first-times in the Cairns trip. Although it could have been better, but I ain't complaining.
Pat and Chris are wonderful too. =) They've been awesome. Haa..

I should have heaps of photos when I'm back in Singapore, provided I have the time to upload them - which I usually became too lazy to do so. Too many things done, too little time to upload and have a proper post of all the things we did.

I would probabaly die from overdose of chocolate when I'm back. The only thing I bought is chocolate, chocolate and more chocolate. And I would be scouting for more chocolate! omg... yucky... Haa..

I'm picking up alot of baby language, most of which comprised of only 2-3 syllables.

I have to admit though, there are things I miss in Singapore. For example, rice and noodles. And the amount of choices of Asian food that I have. I don't like burgers. Haa..
Indian food would be nice - I'm having an after-taste of the nice Indian food we had yesterday. I think I would be scouting for nice Indian food and curry when I'm back in Singapore.

Miss my family too. Miss mom's cooking and Ethan!
Kor said Ethan can crawl already! I think he missed me.. hahaha..

I'll be back in Singapore soon, and I will miss Brisbane, Cairns, the beaches and the people here.
But I'll be back..

emo me again

2008-10-02T16:27:00.002+08:00

i remember reading sth the other day and wanting to blog about it.. but now i can't remember already..

do you have somebody who always come to mind when you see happy couples on the street..
does somebody come to your mind when you're talking to your friends?
then does it mean that the someone is the one for you?

watched Criminal Minds, and the episode reminded me of something that happened before..
JJ was questioned about why she doesn't want to let her colleagues know that she's attached.. and I feel that I can understand her predicament.. and forcing her to come clean does not really make the whole situation better.
It's just pushing her further away from him.. and he doesn't understand that..

sometimes, it's difficult to pinpoint a reason as to why you do certain things.. it's just the way things are..
it's not that you don't want to acknowledge that him or that you are going for some other guy.. you just want to keep it between the 2 of you, and it's your own business..
and once you tell everybody, it becomes real.. you have to deal with the real problems that comes along with it.. and you just hate it..

but like the ending, sometimes everyone else already know..

do you have a certain someone you're thinking of right now? =)
that might be the one for you...

alot of things, the opportunities only come once.. we're only young once, and once you miss it, you might miss it forever..

when you let it go and it comes back to you, it's meant to be yours..
if you still don't hold on to it, and it never comes back again.. you only have yourself to blame...

people are getting married..

2008-09-08T16:21:00.002+08:00

you know what.. i really have quite a handful of friends who are getting married...
or thinking of getting married..

something i always remembe from sansan's wedding..
i heard from jo, her father-in-law asked her husband..
'if you know that she is the right one, why wait?'

some people feel that they shouldn't get married yet, because they feel that they're still young. but is there any purpose in waiting? if you feel that this person is the right one, why do you want to wait..

just read cerise's blog, and i totally agree with what brennie said..
(hang on a minute. cerise, you went to meet brennie!! i haven't seen her in the longest time!!! how's she???!?!?!!)
ok back to the topic..
i think what brennie said is very true.. about the novelty of the new person you meet.. i agree, that there is the one person who always sticks by you, and is always there for you no matter what. the analogy about the strong flame and slow fire is very apt! it's the slow fire that brings out the best in everything..

people come into my life and people leave..
i guess i'm the kind who doesn't like to venture out of my comfort zone.. so i tend to only stick with the few friends whom i always keep in touch with.. like xianglooyun, ex-81 girls.. 02s81 gang, PS.. and that's about it..
and there are people whom i left out along the way.. and when i look back, we could've been closer..

see.. it's always the could-have-been, when it can be the we-are..
so always cherish those around you.. i guess as i grow up, i learn.. learnt to be mindful of what i'm doing now. cherish every single moment, and cherish the ones around you who always do things for you without asking for anything in return.. and cherish the friends who were always there for you when you just need a listening ear..

forget the ones who hurt you. forget the ones who spoke evil of you. forget the ones who didn't understand you.

and never never forget your family.. =)

stuck on songs

2008-09-02T22:11:00.003+08:00

i always feel bad when i update my blog, cause i'm always too lazy to upload the photos which i have been owing for ages..

but i just want a random update..
been ok at work. alot of things happen, but well, which workplace doesn't have happening events and irritating people right?

there's a eye candy at work! hahaha.. yea yea its purely eye candy.. we have a candy land here~
and i went out with the ex-81 girls on sunday.. which was good. managed to have a good chat with them, which also meant that i was grilled over dinner.. shall not reveal the contents, but i have to admit it made me think. especially when i was grilled by PS on the same topic just 2 days before.

i shall say, it just made me think.
no conclusion, but thinking is a good start.

and i'm stuck on so many songs.
不要对我再说爱 & 需要你.. haha no no, no hidden meanings..
i just like the songs.. nice tune, nice lyrics..

都明明需要你却还猶豫不定

happy birthday to me!

2008-08-19T09:47:00.002+08:00

yes it's my birrrrrthday!!!!
i'm getting old, but still happy at the same time!
yishu said like wine, i get better with age..
thanks for the try.. i'm trying not to feel too old.. hahaha

anyway, i'm taking half day! hahaha..
time to let my hair loose and enjoy myself for at least half a day.. hehe.. =)

xuan's a lazy girl. lazy to upload photos.. haha

banana muffins

2008-08-06T16:38:00.002+08:00

i know i am supposed to have pictures and i swear i did take pictures. but i don't have my camera with me now la, so i cannot upload the pictures.. sorrrrai ah..

but but but... the reviews for the muffins were good! darren accused me of buying the muffins and passing it off as something i made myself!! stupid darren!!!!!

but i'm encouraged!! even mommy said they're nice.. hehe.. okay i hope that they meant what they said.. i shall bake somemore! and this time i will make minor changes to the recipe.. am quite glad that i decided to give this recipe a try, 'cause i was contemplating sticking to the recipe i made on sunday or trying something new.. =)

so now xuan is a happy girl~ because people around me are happy..
lalala~~

i'm one step nearer to my dream of opening a bakery!! haha.. ;)

long disappearance

2008-07-18T15:40:00.002+08:00

i was talking to cerise online and she asked what happened to me.. i've 'disappeared' from the online community for a long time..

well, i've not been online.. hahaha.. i cant go MSN from my office, and i'm lazy to blog cuz i haven't uploaded the pictures and i'm so gonna be scolded by xianglooyun.. so i don't dare to come online.. hahaha..

anyway, my seminar is finally over!! it went very well, and the research group was even invited to give a talk next saturday.. =) the feedback was good and everything, so i'm happy..

this week marks the 1 year that i have been working.. and we celebrated our '1st year anniversary' today! it's really good and we're all happy! held a farewell celebration for the interns today as well..

i really wanted to upload the pictures, but somehow cannot upload.. i have no idea why too.. anyway, i shall make an effort to do it some other time la..

working for a year already.. all i can say is, you never know how people feel until some time later.. some people may seem like they're on very good terms with you, but actually you never know what they are doing/feeling/talking behind you..

and some people, may seem like the quiet quiet type, but actually they are doing alot of small small things behind your back.. but still, i like my research team and most importantly, there is dian!!!! and jokat, darren, RG and many many more.. =)

---

that day, my sports shoes kinda spoilt.. which reminded me that this pair of sport shoes has been with me for the past 4 years.. when i first got this pair of shoes, i thought it was abit tight for me..

but i bore with it.. and now, i've worn it for 4 years already and i really it.. it doesn't bother me that it's a little tight, i've gotten used to it..
and now, i suddenly realise that while i don't want to, it's time to let it go..

you know how people tend to let go and throw away things which they feel don't fit? it dawned on me that, nothing in this world fits perfectly.. there will be some degree of misfit.. it's how you look at it..

it's just like how 2 person will never match each other perfectly.. but after years of being together, they learn how to handle each other, how to appreciate each other, and how to live with each other..
like me and my shoes.. it used to be a little tight for me.. and after we've 'lived' with each other for such a long time, we got used to each other.. my shoes still give me blisters sometimes, but i'm used to it.. and i carry on wearing it.. i don't just throw it away.. i may not wear it so often in the beginning, but eventually everything's ok with me. even the occasional blisters.

it's like a relationship..

but like my shoes.. after a period of time, after it's been damaged so many times, the length of wearability decreases.. i may actively repair it all the time, but it may not last anymore..
and like my shoes.. i may not want to give it up, but persistance on my side is not going to sustain it anymore.. and while i may hate to say this, but it's time to move on..

oh well.. that's life..

bad bad fall

2008-06-15T17:55:00.011+08:00

you wouldn't believe how many pictures i have in my cam's memory card which i haven't uploaded ok. they've been around since end of last year! omg.. i am such a lazy person.. today, i decided that i'm going to upload all of them!!! wahahah.. but i'm not gonna attempt to blog about them.. siao ah, all the way back to Dec'07 lehs..

but i can blog about some recent happenings..
like my super bad fall yesterday..

supposed to have gone for the SHG overnight camp, but i threw in the white flag and came back the night of the camp..
i wanted to stay! and i packed everything already.. BUT I FELL. sighs..
and i have to admit that it's one of the worst falls i've had.. all thanks to my clumsiness..

disclaimer: this is not for the faint hearted...

as a starter, this is the not-so-serious injury..

then this is the quite-serious-but-i'm-not-so-worried injury..

you realised the white white thing on my wound? that's not to let you feel too er xin de.. NO LA! it's the powder that my mom's friend recommended and the only thing that doesn't sting my wound when i applied it on.. so i think it's so far the most useful medication i've applied to my wound liao.. effective sia...

and lastly, this is the one which doesn't seem so serious but made me tear when i was cleaning the wound the last night.. i didn't know a wound could hurt so much...

once again.. it doesn't look serious.. hahaha
but it hurts..
so much that i was crying like nobody's business when i was cleaning the wound and attempting to dress the wound.. in the end i decided i shall leave it, cause it's getting a bit unbearable for me.. =x

so people.. please be careful k.. don't injure yourself.. =)

---

celebrated cerise & huili's birthday 2 weeks ago.. ling, cerise & huili were busy distributing souvenirs from countries they visited and i have nothing to give!!! which means i haven't been traveling!!! how can?!?!

ok i'm digressing.. it being a bday celebration, and knowing xuan as a sucker for surprises, i must have a surprise for them! hahaha..
so we planned to let them think that we haven't reach when we're already in the room, with the cake ready!!! but as all surprises go, there were tons of cock-ups.. haha huili was late, and cerise was punctual.. so we couldn't bear to cerise wait.. and we weren't ready.. but all in all, cerise WAS surprised when she walked in and saw the cake and us in the room!! hehe.. cliche, but i hope all of us had a nice day!!! =)

cerise & huili with the bday cake.. courtesy of jy & her mom =)

and you tot that 7hrs of KTV was alot.. it isn't lor.. we had so much fun, we didn't want to leave.. (then again, after everybody came in late and all the commotion of the surprise and the souvenir-distribution, there was only like 5 hrs of KTV left)
it's quite a nice place, Top One KTV.. i don't mind going back.. we were in there with all the cakes and sushi and Lay's, but the person didn't say anything.. haha..

---
i just uploaded the photo of my latest cutie whom i've got the hots for.. i only had videos of him, then i decided i shall do him some justice by taking some photos of him to show you guys!! after all, what are friends for if we can't even share cute guys' photos right?

xiang, don't fight with me for this one ok? ;)

ain't he cute??!??!? omg... he has to be the cutest guy i've seen in ages.. wahahaha.. the whole family was so excited cause he flipped over today!! and i've got so many videos of him trying to do that and eventually succeeding.. hehe..

and for the benefit of you girls out there who are trying to target my cutie etha, don't even think about it! but to let you girls guo guo ying, here's his video!! ;)

please respect my copyrights and i appreciate it if you do not simply copy it elsewhere. thank you.

i still have so many photos i'm supposed to upload.. but i decide i shall log off to accompany my cutie ;)
and contemplating whether seeing a doc tomorrow will get me an MC.. hahaha..
but i have work to do.. ARGH~!

friends..

2008-06-05T09:21:00.002+08:00

i'm talking to a friend i haven't talked to in ages.. the last time i talked to her, she just broke up with her ex and was devastated (the way she sounded to me)

now, almost a yr later.. she's happily attached and thinking of marriage..
which was what she was thinking a yr ago with her ex too..
and it struck me that.. how easily people fall in and out of love.. how much is the relationship worth to the person? when one falls in and out of love so many times, does the soul get weary of all these??

听者都觉得累了...
怎么知道这个人是否适合你？
怎样才能确定？
我没有信心能一头栽进去。没有信心能毫发无伤地走出来...

有人告诉我，希望我下次恋爱时，能学会爱一个人
当时的感觉是 ‘你凭什么这么自大？凭什么觉得我不会爱？你不知道而已，不是我不会。’
可是我只是微微笑。根本不想争辩 - 那只会浪费我的时间和力气。

我是多么坏的一个人...
坏到连恋爱的资格都没有吧？
可能他说的是对的....

GSS!

2008-05-27T17:25:00.002+08:00

while everyone is excitedly shopping for GSS, xuan is excitedly shopping too!
but i'm excitedly shopping online!!!!!
like i said, it's really all irene's fault.. she always tempts me with nice clothes online, so i have to go and take a look..
and because irene n i have similar tastes, i think that the pieces she picked are really nice! so i started to look around somemore, then i buy!!!!!!!!

omg.. so it's really all irene's fault..
haha she'll be traumatised when she's back to see that i'm blaming her for her undoings..
so to make up for it...
IRENE!!!!! i miss you~~~ =)

ok anyway... i still want to go bodyshop.. 'cause they're having sale and all and i've been hooked on bodyshop products recently.. haha

---

i still remember how i always say that..
属于你的就是你的，就算放手了还是会回到你身边...
i still believe in this sentence, more so than ever before..
every single episode just made me believe all the more what belongs to me and what doesn't.. what i want and what i think i want - there is a difference..

but i also realise that in the process.. there are bad things i've done, people i've hurt, things i could have done better... and also things i might not have done if given a second chance..

but some things, because i've done it, i treasure it more..
because it was tested against time, so i know what is true and what is not..

nonetheless... sometimes... i still don't know what belongs to me and what doesn't... what is real and what is not.. what i should believe in and what i should not..
as i grow up, i learn.. not to be so impatient, not to jump into things..

but sometimes.... xuan never learns.. haha

irene's fault..

2008-05-06T10:53:00.001+08:00

now i'm addicted to looking at clothes online.. all irene's fault.. haha

我在想什么

2008-05-05T12:30:00.003+08:00

我就好像是一个觉得自己太幸福的人在自虐一样
因为觉得自己太幸福，却又不配得到这种幸福，所以对自己残忍

有些人，一直不断的遇上坏男人。
每一次相爱，都是身心受创。刚认识时，是爱得刻苦铭心的。
可是在分手时，却既恨得像仇人，也还是无法将他放下。

可是我却想在这个人最爱我的时候逃走...
就像书上写的：
你的深情是我承担不起的重担

我不需要一个需要我的人...
而是一个我不能没有的人

cerise 问我，能不能承受一个人没有我爱他那么爱我
不可以。
我不可以承受这个人付出得比我少
他得用我的方式来爱我...
遇上我这样的人，不知道是我太幸运还是他的不幸

怎么办？

irene, that is so not true..

2008-05-04T20:24:00.002+08:00

ok i must clarify that irene's account of what happened at Peaberry and Pretzel is so not true!!!! i did not finish up the dessert and didn't have the guts to face the camera lor.. -sads-

irene, you forced me to do this!!!!! wahahahhahahahha

aiya.. it just so happens that she was the one holding the camera, that's how the distortion of the truth came about.. i am so 冤枉!!!!!!

irene finished up the dessert too lor!!! and she happily took the 'end product' and conveniently said i finished it and too paiseh to face the camera.. walau!!! hahahah..
but then hor... the dessert is really nice la.. i think the Vanilla Pana Cotta is nice.. the person said they won the best Pana Cotta, so you guys can try.. i don't know how they make it la, but i like the texture of it..

next time, i want to try the Mango Tropica.. it looks like a combination of the Vanilla Pana Cotta and Chocolate Royale.. hahaha.. and kim says the Strawberry Tiramisu looks nice..
which reminds me that.. i still want to try making tiramisu again..

oh and that reminds me.. that i made Oreo Cheesecake on Labour Day!! it's nicccccccceeeee.. ok la, i myself claiming that it's nice doesn't have any impact at all.. haha
but i really think it's nice.. i shall make my second attempt at it some other time..
and i plan to have my second go at making a Mother's Day cake for my mom this year.. the last attempt 2 years ago failed terribly.. hahahaha.. it tasted like rock lor.. i want to try again this year!!
(cannot bake cheesecake somemore, must be sponge cake.. cause my mom don't take cheesecake.. she don't like the cheese smell..)

hmm.. if you have any good sponge cake recipe, TELL ME!!!!!

lastly... irene... 还我清白!!!!!! hahahhahaha

don't know what's ur prob

2008-04-22T11:57:00.002+08:00

sometimes, when you think that things are not going so well, it's better to talk it out..
like how me and dian talked things out.
no, we didn't have a prob with each other. we love each other too much.. hahahaha
but we were talking about someone else, and it helps that we share the same views. and it certainly helps more when someone else shares the same views.. hahaha..

but sometimes, some people just have issues. i don't know whether is it me, but i'm not comfortable with the way this person handles things. if there's anything you're unhappy with me, just let me know. don't have to go through all the trouble just to make your point. it irritates people around you. and it certainly doesn't help when you're making all these xiao dong zuo and make people upset.

i mean, just tell me. don't have to tell everyone else.
and i just don't get it. i haven't done anything to incur your wrath, neither has the other party. so what's your prob? things are gg on well and the way i see it, you are the only problem.
when there's a problem, look back and think whether you have a share in it. don't just keep pointing fingers outwards.

sighs.. some people should just get out of my life and my life will be perfect perfect.. perfeeeect

and the perfect way to start a day is to eat your favourite rich and sinful chocolate cake.... yummmmmssss
hahhaha.. i love love love choc cakes.. hahahhaha

无辜

2008-04-18T12:00:00.003+08:00

最近爱上这首歌
没有理由地喜欢其中的几句lyrics..

“你的欺骗没有让我掉下眼泪爱本善变的痛楚并非你的罪”

“我赌上性命成全你和他的吻只好对自己的痛楚不负责任”

觉得很有意思......
一个人，会在怎样的情况下这么爱另一个人？
为了成全他的幸福，可以这么牺牲自己
愿意让他就这么离开，其实那份爱并不是很深吧？

我仍然坚持，属于我的东西还是属于我的
就算我放手了，始终还是会回到我身边

可能因为长大了，要求多了，我变得很贪心。
不懂得知足
不懂得如何相处
不懂得如何重头再来

累了......

有一个这么爱自己的人就要知足。
人啊，要会珍惜......

the leap years

2008-04-03T16:55:00.002+08:00

for those who didn't watch 'The Leap Years', i still think you should.
it's so far, one of the most fantastic shows i've watched.. the leads are cute, the show is touching in a way.. and the fact that i cried shows something.. so watch it! it's like, if you like 'A Walk to Remember', high chances are you will like this show..

anyway, that's not the focus of this post.. the thing is, the movie was from a book.. and i haven't been able to get hold of the book because it's simply too difficult to grab a copy of it..
and someone, very nicely... found it for me!!!!

apparently most of the Popular bookstores doesn't have it anymore.. there's only 2 copies left from the ulu Popular that he got it from.. so, i'm lucky!!!
i haven't even started on the last book he got, and now i have a 2nd book.. in fact, i haven't even read the book i borrowed from JY!!!! omg.. hahahaha i have so many books in the queue...

ohs and the quotes from the movie are very very nice.. that's one of the reasons why i've tot of getting the DVD.. luckily, i found some of them online, on this person's blog...

it is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves - william shakespheare

coincidence is god’s way of remaining anonymous - albert einstein

a person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it - jean de la fontaine

in three words, i can sum up everything i’ve learnt about life : it goes on - robert frost

if you are not too long, i will wait here for you all my life - oscar wilde

so nice right.... i think it's really meaningful, some of the quotes.. especially like the ones bolded... not all of them are here thoough, i think there are some other nice ones.. but i can't find them.. so, maybe i will still get the DVD or what, see how la..

it's raining so heavily, it's scary....
i should exercise more, i'm getting fat
=(

长大了

2008-03-27T14:47:00.004+08:00

人总是会长大的吧
可是我们都不想长大
小时候，总是羡慕大人可以做他们想做的事，不需要向任何人交代
长大之后才发现，随之而来的是责任
有了责任，就必须付出代价

因为长大了，你的错误并不会再被原谅
所以必须想清楚才做任何决定
做错了，就要付出更大的努力来换回别人对你的信任

所以我们都不想长大

只是突然发现自己长大了.....
因为不喜欢这个发现，所以有点不知所措
自己长大了就意味着父母也开始老了.....
发现到这点，所以更不想长大
希望自己永远都是小孩
有父母疼，不需要工作，不需要去想未来的事

小孩最好了
为什么要长大?

i want to go travelling!!!!!
想出国散心......

thank you...

2008-03-19T09:41:00.003+08:00

it's very nice to know that i have friends who care about me.. and offer their listening ear.. *so sweet*
very touched.. it's at trying times like this that you realise there are still people who care about your well-being.. really very touched lor..

anyway, i read cerise's blog and she was talking about 'The Leap Years'.. and i really have to tell everyone.. that you people should go and watch it!!!!!! it's really nice.. like cerise, i cried!!!!! seldom will i tear during a movie and i cried!! was really touched by the show.. and it's the kind that's not like 'Titanic' whereby one died for the other.. it's just the simple, touching kind of plot.. it's not too complicated, and the quality of the show is not fantastic either.. but it still touched me..
and it's this kind of show which will manage to make you cry.. the kind of belief, the persistance, the faith to hold on to the love you believe in.. coupled with the passing of the one you've always known was the one.. and the patience that you need to have, to keep coming back every leap year to look for the one you know is meant to be..
it's not easy.. how many of us have that kind of patience and that kind of faith...

and i realised i'm a sucker for letters.. (pardon my language)
but i meant it as...i love letters.. doesnt have to for the special someone.. i just like to read them.. the time i remember crying when i was reading, was a novel.. and it's about letters.. towards the end of the novel, there was a letter from the guy addressed to the lady.. and it's very touching..
and now, the part where i cried in 'The Leap Years' was when KS read out the letter addressed to Li-Ann.. which was so sad too~~~

and.. yep it's based on a book!
i realised i've been watching movies based on books recently..
'Kite Runner'
'The Leap Years'
'P.S. I Love You'
hmm... that's all i can remember..
ok it didn't seem like a lot, actually...

and i want to read the books.. have read 'Kite Runner', and waiting for JY to pass me 'P.S. I Love You'.. now i just have to get hold of 'Leap of Love'!!!!!
anybody has it and nice enough to lend me???

i just realised too that my title for the past 2 entries are the same.. shows how much i really don't like it!!!! =\

i don't like this

2008-03-18T15:38:00.002+08:00

sighs.... gone were the days where we would go to the indoor court and play badminton @ 430..
gone were the days where we can stand around and talk for so far, we barely noticed the time...
gone were the days where we would go out and eat together..

things happened so quickly that i barely knew what was happening.. i tot it was just about me initially, then i realised that it is not just me.. and i don't know what the hell is happening around here..
i'm always thankful i still have my babe here, who never fails to brighten up my day and lighten the atmosphere...
when you think that everything seems ok, it's worse off again..

i don't know how some people think, but i feel that some things, you can say. some things, it's better left unsaid.
but when you leave it unsaid, make sure you don't even show any signs of it. because you chose to leave it unsaid, so you shouldn't show signs that it's otherwise. don't make people bewildered and leave wondering what's happening..

i don't like complicated things.. people should just be simple..
i like simple and happy people..

i don't like this

2008-03-13T21:23:00.002+08:00

it's been a tiring week, mentally and emotionally..
and i don't like this..
you don't understand the situation and you don't understand me..
this is some place where i can say what i want and no one can criticise me because it's my space..
and people who read this know me, so they understand me..

don't ask me.. just be there for me..

so many things happening..

2008-03-06T20:04:00.002+08:00

life at SPF has been real happening recently..
first with Mas Selamat on the loose, then with the shooting today at Outram MRT..
people, please don't do silly things at this time of high security la..
people from SOC are deployed everyday.. overseas also kena called back.. so don't add on to their stress..

and with Mas Selamat on the loose, people are unable to attend the ParaC appreciation dinner tomorrow!!!!! -sads-
i'll be missing people from the same course as me.. cannot catch up with them le.. so sad la!!!! see! Mas Selamat is creating so much disturbance in my life!!!!!!!! hurry up and surrender la!!!!! maybe he's frozen to death in the forested areas already.. -oops-

anyway, been really busy recently.. worked till midnight on friday!!!! not that i mind, 'cause like violet said, it's like a kind of bonding session with my colleagues, which is good..
we hang around, laughed at the jokes at chunmu made, teased darren, had fun! although i had to skip my satay bee hoon as a result.. it's ok la.. i can always have it another day..

been acting abit high recently.. super hyper.. next mon's jon's last day with BSU le! but didn't have the chance to properly treat him to a farewell dinner or something like that.. tmr will be a busy day for all of us.. as long as Laurence Alison is still here, we won't be able to take a proper rest.. then next mon - wed is the CBT workshop by Paul Ruston!!! and fri is the HT trainer's day thingy!!!! ahhhhhhhh i still have to submit my report on mon!!!!! my gosh.. how did i get so busy suddenly???? =(

hopefully me n loo can go tanning this sunday.. i need a break..
and i put on weight already!!!! gosh....

相信

2008-02-26T00:10:00.003+08:00

i'm online
and someone else is online too..
and the nick looks surprisingly familiar..
it struck me that, people all feel the same way when it starts..
the difference lies in the ending, and things move on from here...

很多时候，对象变了、时间变了、身份变了
却发现，剧情好像是一样的
对白是一样的

读过，人生来来去去不就三个字
‘我爱你’
‘我恨你’
‘我想你’
‘嫁给我’
‘你好吗’
‘我很好’
‘分手吧’
‘对不起’
‘原谅我’

有时人总是在失去后才开始珍惜
有些人在决定分开后还是放不开
有些人分不清关系、态度仍然没有变
怎么可能不变？
你的身份变了，身边的人变了，可是对我的态度却没变
我应该怎么想?

人啊，要满足于现状.....
要珍惜.....

values matters the most in a relationship....
so make sure you have the same set of values....

sometimes people just have to learn to deal with it

2008-02-22T10:45:00.002+08:00

came in this morning, and she asked me about the purple elephant on my desk which does not belong to me in the 1st place..
and i told her it's from someone else.. both me n dian could tell that she didn't take it very well.. which puts me in a very awkward position.. i wanted to tell her more but she just shutted me out.. and i'm really so glad to have dian here with me..

i prefer it when people tell me what they think directly.. i'm not the kind who will 'think too much', so it's quite no use to hint me overtly... if there's anything, just tell me directly.. if it's something that i don't need to pay attention to, then don't be upset with me..

sometimes, we just have to learn to accept things.. if you feel that i should pay attention to something, that's concern for me and i accept it.. and i truly thank you for it. i still treasure you very very much as a friend.. it doesn't mean that i will neglect you or what in future..
and i hope that you will be happy as well..

and.. dian's really the best.. we can share practically everything and we can read each other's minds!!!!! =)

love them.. hahaha

为什么人会变？

2008-02-20T10:41:00.002+08:00

人越大，就一定会变
昨天和 majeed meeting 的时候就在说，人的性格 around 30 岁就不会再改了
那么我不是还会再变？
i can't say that change is not a good thing, because it is..
but it's really sad when you see someone you used to know change so much..
from someone you know till someone completely stranger to you..

知道你想通了，我真的很高兴...
because he's really not worth it.. 对一个这样的人，应该没有什么值得留恋的
连恨都不需要...
常常有人说，有爱才有恨吧？
这样一个对你来说什么都不是的人，恨他就对他太仁慈了
he shouldn't even affect your emotions anymore..
who cares what others say.. as long as you feel better, that's what matters..

人啊，你不要变喔..
你现在这样挺好了...

怎么办

2008-02-17T10:44:00.003+08:00

我曾经问过一个人，会不会现在太幸福，以后会变得不幸
他说，what you see is what you get, 叫我不要想太多

我现在并没有觉得太幸福。
什么样的感觉才是对的？
要怎么知道一个人对你是否真的
要怎么才能够肯定？

我想记得有一个人为了一本书而回到最初出发的地点
让自己更累
我想记得有一个人陪我在家楼下聊天到两点
连回家都麻烦

不知道自己是怎么想的
不清楚接下来应该怎么做
必须理清很多情绪
必须知道自己要的是什么

随着自己慢慢长大，很多事情都会变
脾气会变
性格会变
想法会变
做法会变
这样的我还是我吗？

不想再一次做错决定
所以会一再提醒自己要慢慢来
要想清楚
不要一头栽进去

冷静点...

人真的很矛盾
明明很开心，却又会因为开心而感到害怕
我需要的是一个不会因为我想太多、担心太多而不高兴的人
一个不会胡乱猜疑的人
一个会相信我的人
一个会陪我走路的人
一个会陪我聊天的人
一个会让我慢慢来的人
一个会尊重我的人

慢慢来，xuan...

you know how sometimes people need just a wake-up call
it can be in the form of a scolding, a book you read, a phrase you saw somewhere or even a real-life account someone else told you..
the important thing is, you have to know when you need to move on..
it doesn't matter what the reason or even the push factor is..
as long as it can make you feel better, just do it.. no 1 will treasure you more than you yourself.. so if even we don't love ourselves, then no one will.. that's what i believe..
so i love myself!!!!

hahaha i went on one big round to tell you guys that i love myself..
but it's true ma..
though i read somewhere before that, when someone starts to appreciate you, starts to love you, that's when you start to love yourself..
but eventually you have to see your own good points yourself.. and love yourself for all the good and bad.. and when the right person comes along, you get double the love! so good right.. hahahaha...

i love myself.. hahahahahaha
=)

天天都是好心情~

2008-02-15T08:59:00.003+08:00

xuan is in a veeeeeeeeery good mood today.. lalala~~
ah long pte ltd is very funny lehs.. haha and i like it that it's in cantonese. i've always thought that cantonese is a very nice language.. company was nice, movie was nice.. what else can i ask for? =)

though it's abit late...
happy valentine's day!!!
and happy friendship day to all my friends!!!!
you're always loved and rememebered even though we don't always meet..
my friends know who they are la huh... ;)

xuan enjoys coming to work nowadays..
and xuan looks forward to coming to work nowadays...

will update after meeting my ex-81 girls tomorrow!
hope all goes well~~

it's CNY time!

2008-02-06T09:57:00.000+08:00

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!

i'm super excited!!!! hahaha 'cause cny is tomorrow! i love cny.. haha despite the fact that i did not buy a single thing for myself this year. i have too much clothes from my bangkok trip. but i need shoes leh.. i haven buy shoes yet. bag, i have already.. hahaha!!

and.....i have a new addition in my family!!!!!!!!!
*VERY VERY HAPPY*
he's cute, adorable, tall, and very very shuai!!!!!

ok, xuan's ecstatic..
this is going to be a very good year for me indeed. i'm beginning to feel it already.
and not forgetting the fact that vday's coming too! xuan has a hot date coming up! with 2 beautiful ladies.... ;)

in life, i gain some, i lose some.. sometimes things may seem like it's the end, or like it's the most terrible thing that could happen to one.. but we still hang on and perserve.. and that's what makes us tough and humane all at the same time. we learn how to let go, and we learn how to hang on. and finally, we learn how to move on..
things will be better.. or rather, things can only get better from now on. time will heal everything... it may seem painful now, but one day, you might look back and understand why things had to turn out this way.
you never know what life has in stored for you..
*hugs* you know we love you...

ParaC appreciation dinner coming up too!!! so many events.. i hope everything will go smoothly... *smiles*

HUAT AH!!!! hahahahhaha

199th post

2008-01-29T22:59:00.000+08:00

so cool~ i've blogged 199 entries since i cleared away my old posts...

anyway, that's not what i wanted to write about..
i just realised that esmond is on the SMART COP video after watching it again today!!
hahaha the only thing i gained out of watching that video again...

and erm.. dian was asking me what my personal message meant..
可惜人都抵不過自尊
which i think is very true.....
for me, at least.
there might be certain things which i think i could do, but pride gets in the way sometimes..
but what i also realised is that, if you can overcome your pride (and sometimes fear) and actually do it, it makes you feel better.. it doesn't matter if you don't succeed. simply the action of having tried and failed makes you feel so much better..
at least you don't think about it anymore and you know you have tried, so you feel more 心安理得 too..

some people laugh, some people cry..
seriously, as you grow older.. changes become part of your life..
get used to it.
things change, environment change, people change..
and sometimes, you don't know what to believe in anymore..

CNY's coming!!!!
xuan's super excited~~

thoughts abt proposals..

2008-01-25T10:18:00.000+08:00

i was just wondering.. what would be the way i would like my future husband to propose to me... if i ever AM going to get a proposal in the first place...

ok.
i..would want him to tell my parents about it first. meaning, he should have talked to my parents and told them about his plans before proposing to me.. reason being, i don't want to go back home and tell my parents about it myself, and risk any kind of reactions (aka objections or discouragement) from them.. so he should be 100% sure that my parents are very supportive of it before popping the question to me..
i know this is so not romantic.. but on the practical side, i don't want any possible objections from my family.. and besides, i think asking my parents first is so romantic la.. hahaha it's like, he's taking it very seriously..

but still, popping the question is a big thing.. and bravo to all guys who manage to do it.. -winks-

sometimes, you don't know what simple sms can mean.. and cracking your brains over it is tiring.. xuan don't like..
sms should be more straight forward.. you can msg a person for no particular reason.. just like how i would msg loo suddenly and say 'i'm so tired'
ok i ain't making any sense..
ciao~

thailand, 19 - 26 Dec 07

2008-01-12T12:34:00.001+08:00

this is long overdue, but better late than never ma..

first of all, i present, koh phiphi!!!!

see the beautiful sand and water... water is so clear, sand is so fine.. and everything looks so nice... took this on our 2nd day there, just before we went snorkeling and island hopping.. i will want to go back again.. it's such a nice place...

went tanning with jy and limin.. i promised them i will not post the pictures of us in bikinis on my blog.. haha jy reads my blog, so i have to keep my promise!!

this was done by the restaurant outside our hotel.. they do this everyday, with different wordings.. this was taken the next day (after the fire show), so the wordings are abit ruined.. so sad..

there are many long tail boats like these along the beaches.. it's like the only form on transport around places, even within phi phi itself..
and so.. with that, we started on our island hopping adventure! the first stop (and the place where we had our lunch)...

bamboo island!!!!!

this place left the deepest impression on me, because it's really so nice.. can see the different shades of green on the water.. and it's soooooo pretty.. me, jy n limin were so excitedly taking pictures that we almost forgot our lunch..

so nice right~~~~ 真的很美咯.....

so we left our marks on the island! haha to prove that we had indeed been here...

took pictures of the many places that we went, but too lazy to post them up.. all in all, it's a real nice place.. we even went to this quarry place and the whole area is just to yourself.. it's so cool la!!! actually, a lot of pictures are with limin, and i haven had a chance to get them from her..

and while in thailand, i'm super hooked on phad thai.. it's sooo nice.. and i ate it like, everyday.. -oops-

happily and excitedly eating my phad thai!! this place is recommended by jokie, who is like the nicest person we met in thailand.. she's so friendly and helpful.. if anyone's going to phi phi, let me know.. i can give you jokie's contacts.. =)

took a picture with jokie just before we left.. she's reeeeally nice and friendly, promise...

me n jy were happy to be having a nice dinner.. that day has been a hectic day for us, walking and traveling phi phi to get our transportation to bangkok done.. finally we can rest and relax!!

on the last day of our stay on phi phi, we decided to wake up and catch the sunrise.. (actually, me n limin did wake up the previous morning but didn't manage to catch it 'cause sunrise was blocked from where we were)
since we changed accommodation the next day, where the sunrise was just at our doorstep, we (including jy!!) decided we shall be hardworking and wake up early..
so all 3 of us woke up and went out to wait.. (with our messy hairs, sleepy faces and forgot-to-spray-insect-repellent legs) torturous, having to bear with the flying insects because we FORGOT OUR INSECT REPELLENTS!!! and didn't dare to go back to our rooms for it for fear of missing the sunrise..

waiting patiently...... with my messy hair.. hahaha

and then the sun looks like it's gonna rise!!! wondering whether we can see it.. seems like a cloudy day..
we thought that all we could see is this...

the orange-y thing looks like the sun.. seems like we still missed it afterall.. too cloudy le, the sky.. so cannot see the sun.
BUT..... we were wrong!!!!!! that orange-y thing is just the ray from the sun!!!! subsequent sounds heard were screams coming from 3 girls at the beach and pointing excitedly at the sun..

we caught the sunrise!!!!!! for the 1st time in my life, i see the sun rising from the horizon.. (ok it's not exactly horizon. more of coming from the hill on top of the ocean) but still!!!!!
i caught the sunrise!!!!! it's really beautiful....

can see?? the bright bright thingy is the sun....

YAY!!!!!!!!

finally the sun rose, and we were pretty reluctant to leave.. 'cause it's really beautiful.. trying to capture this moment and leave it in our memory...
just in case you thought this looks like a sunset, it is the sunrise.. i'm not trying to cheat you guys with a sunset pic ok.. -bleargh-

violet laughed at me for taking like, 40+ pictures of the sunrise.. and amazed with my special ability to spend 40+ pics on the same thing.. but it's different!!! see, every picture is different.. haha

some of our favourite food hunts on phiphi..

see the signage? it says 'Thai Pancake'. but it's really prata!!!!! totally like prata!! i had the honey pancake once and it's really nice.. very very crispy and sweet.. i think our prata is slightly more soggy, but theirs quite crisp..

another favorite is gelato.. haha we eat it like, EVERYDAY. and jy very loyally sticked to her strawberry flavor.. she ate the same one everyday!! hahaha
it's slightly cheaper on phiphi, but even cheaper in bangkok. bangkok had so much more flavors some more, and 1 scoop cost less than S$2 in bkk

we din have much choices on phiphi.. this was the only shop which sells gelato, but good enough for our cravings la..

finally, it's time for us to leave phiphi, but not without me taking a picture with my 白裤帅哥.. me, jy and limin each has a 帅哥.. limin's one is the 红裤男, whereas jy's is her 蓝裤男 (who left on the 2nd day).. you see, guys on phi phi don't wear tops and they don't change bottoms! that's how we recognise them.. hahaha
this is a long story, but presenting my 白裤帅哥!! erm, he was in white shorts la, but changed to blue shorts on the day we left.. 'cause me n jy kept bumping into him, decided to take a pic with him.. he's another friendly person, from Israel..

and with that.... we traveled from phi phi alllllll the way to bkk!!! where our shopaholic alter-ego appeared!!!!

arriving in bkk from phuket, awaiting our luggages....

we realised that the lights in the new airport seems nice, so we took a picture.. nothing to do and our luggages are taking forever, so we kept ourselves busy by self-entertaining...

ANYWAY, all we did in bkk was really to shop.. shop shop and shop non-stop and literally anywhere.. floating market also can shop la...

me n violet on the way to floating market, while on the speedboat... it was, erm.. a very adventurous ride... we were busy keeping ourselves on the boat...

anyway, one the must-visit while in bkk is.....

we miss the curly fries and root beer float of A&W!! so we decided to make a trip there while at Siam Square.. (missed the one near Platinum.. the person told me it's a 10mins walk when it's just the next building!!!! @$%$^@$#%)

see my ice-cream waffle + curly fries + root beer float... -yummmms- i feel like eating again.... =\

yummy yummy yummy... A&W should come back to spore.... =(
this is one food i miss other than my phad thai...!!!!!

the last night in bkk.. shopped till super late again, and it's christmas!!!!!! it's crowded everywhere and lights lit up the city, reminding me of the merry festive... =)

my beloved traveling mates!! really enjoyed myself with them.. and glad to know limin through this trip too! hee.. will want to travel with them again ah.. so, jy, call me along next time!!! hee~
oh, and look at all our shopping bags! haha we came out with more after MBK la..

i miss thailand!!!! will want to go back shopping again.. and i know i'll go back koh phiphi, but maybe give myself some time and money to travel to other places 1st..

好心情

2008-01-08T21:55:00.001+08:00

天天都是好心情！
其实很不喜欢心情这么 roller coaster..
可是今天一整天的心情都好好！

一句简单的话就可以让你很开心
一通电话就可以让你高兴一整天
为什么会这么神奇？

其实并不是很明白有些人的想法
如果相信让你痛苦的话，就选择不相信不就行了吗？
我相信 you always have a choice..
deciding whether you have a choice itself is a choice too.
there's no such thing as 'i have no choice'

时间也是一样
就像他说的，‘一定有时间的。因为时间是自己安排的。’

i don't know how to make her see it, but i hope she gets out of it.
if her faith causes pain, then see it the other way..

tired

2008-01-02T23:40:00.001+08:00

i know i'm really supposed to update on my thailand trip.
and believe me, i really did try
but the stupid photos took ages to load, so i gave up

oh what did i want to say?
i can't rem..
dead tired..

anyway, these past few days have been busy for me.
meeting up with friends all over the place, and it feels really nice.
hooked on Huang Zhen Yi recently..

still waiting for a msg.. and i don't like that feeling..
不可以那么注视一个人
会累死吧！
可是，还是希望着.......

xuan's talking gibberish 'cause she's super tired from a long day of work
oh and i realised, tampines is not that far away after all..
it's just 1 hr and 15 mins of bus ride away.. -.-

i'm still tired..
another half day at old pa tmr..
this is killing me man.. i need sleep..
and a msg.. =\

and i promise i will try to upload the pics so that i can blog about my thailand trip
i've just been pronounced as a thailand ambassador by huili ;)

ciao!

travelling

2007-12-15T22:43:00.000+08:00

ok i seriously haven't been updating anything.
anyway, i just bought a new bikini!! hee~ happy la..
gave myself an excuse to buy new bikini, cuz i'm gg islands.. (despite the fact that i already have 2, i still feel like buying)

met up with cerise, ling and jy tdy!
abit the messy, in the beginning, but we still manage to catch up!! and start giving out the presents we have been owing each other (from travel trips)
went mind's at Purvis!!! it's really good.. and it helps that all the games there are new.. meaning they're all in very good condition.. play le also feel happier la.. the staff helping us very friendly (and pretty)!!!!!
hahaha ok i bought like super alot of things tdy.. didn't help that i bought my facial stuff as well.. spend super alot of money!!! -argh-

went pass town tdy while on my way down to central to meet cerise n ling..
and i realised i haven't seen the christmas lightings this yr!! i wonder if they will still be ard on 30th.. then i can prob ask my friend whether we can go see the lightings.. i think christmas lightings are always nice....
i want to go town at night!!!!!!!

counting down to thailand....
4 days and counting.....

lazy

2007-11-30T23:51:00.000+08:00

xuan has been too lazy to update her blog with pictures from taiwan.
even my brother already uploaded the pictures, copied into CD and passed to me already.
and i haven't been plugged the cam into the USB cable to link to the pc..
ok so you get the idea ya~

anyway, i'm tired..
this month will pass by so fast for me too..
soon, i'll be leaving for thailand.. when i'm still recovering from taiwan..

but strangely, xuan's looking forward to end of the year more than she is looking forward to the thailand trip.. which is not supposed to be..
xuan's patiently waiting for 30th dec to approach..

but before that! its the BSU x'mas celeration!
i said i'll make potato salad.. i want to try apple pie too! and hopefully it succeeds..

xuan's still thinking of 30th dec..
and wanting to go suntanning at sentosa..
don't forget what you said before..
and please always mean what you say..

something you said casually might mean alot to someone else.. so don't take your words too casually.. speak with caution, people..

i'm back!!

2007-11-27T12:09:00.000+08:00

我回来了!!!!!
anybody missed me? ok i know loo, violet and loo seng did.. hee~
taiwan was fun! i want to go back for shopping during the summer period! didn't buy that much this time cause it's all winter clothings, abit not suitable for S'pore weather. but i will definitely go back again..
the most benefitting of this trip was the bonding with my family, i think. i am sooooooooo much closer to my sis-in-law now. haha we bought so many similar clothings!! same bag, same clothes.. haha
i think both my sisters-in-law are very xing fu.. because they married my brothers.. haa~ -oops- my brothers are like how sweet la.. haha

hmm haven't had the time to post up pictures.. will do it soon though..

came back to sad news of the dragon boaters.. can feel the sorrow of the team members.. can't imagine how the team members are going to cope with the pain of losing their members.. and i believe that all dragon boaters share the pain...

will update with pictures soon~

taiwan!!

2007-11-18T23:14:00.000+08:00

i'm flying off to taiwan tomorrow! yay!
and i should really be sleeping or packing my bag.. but i'm still online..
and my mom's blasting the music off to record some songs to entertain her when she's travelling, but i think she'll just fall asleep once she hits the seat.. -oops-

anyway, don't miss me too much, people!! ;)
i'll definitely enjoy myself!!
hee~

wait for my photos!!!
bye!

end of the year

2007-11-16T11:25:00.000+08:00

time passes by so fast! it's gonna be end of the year already.. i wonder what i was doing last year this time.. i think i'm pia-ing for my exams.. haha

anyway, this year this time i'm preparing to go overseas!! and i have so much things going on till the end of the year.. so looking forward to everything..
next monday i'll be flying to taiwan for my family trip. it'll be so fun!
then next month this time i'll be flying to thailand with the girls! so exciting! we'll be on our own~! hopefully everything goes ok~~

and then when i'm back.. it'll be 26th dec already.. after which, i'll be looking forward to 30th dec.. ^^
so, basically, the last 2 month of 2007 will pass by very fast for me.. with so much activities going on! so happy.. although i'll probably stay in singapore for the 1st half year next year, all these activities will probably keep me going le la.. hahaha!! lalala~

xuan is happy!!!!

i dont know how i should feel

2007-11-13T22:09:00.000+08:00

i'm not in the angry mood, yet i don't feel happy
i don't hate.. but yes, i'm angry
with what, i'm not that sure..
angry that it happened not once, but twice?
angry that i tot someone cared about me, but don't?
angry that i was the one who let it happen again?

but i learned..
and if i let it happen again, please, my friends. slap me out of it.
i. will. not. let. it. happen. again.
i swear.

i will not be naive again
i will not trust
will not believe in words, not even actions
i will not believe that people care naturally
i will not believe that people are without ulterior motives

i know that eventually i will forget all these.
so this is to let you guys know.
when you see me doing the same thing, going back into things that you know is wrong,
stop me
no matter what i say, stop me
and show me what i wrote today

i will not believe again.
i can't feel a single thing.....

sick. great books. lovely people.

2007-11-12T20:04:00.001+08:00

ok i just realised today that i've grossly neglected my blog.. haven't updated in ages..
and i'm not feeling very ok.. think i'm down with flu.. hopefully it goes away when i wake up tomorrow.. violet tells me to take off tmr.. hmm c how la..
i'm just glad that i have colleagues who care.. it feels very loved..

been doing alot of reading recently. am pleasantly surprised with really good books found in the hta library..
its those kind of books where you read and reflect back on it. i'd like to think i grew up a little..
first thing i learned was.. that life is so much more than we see it now.

how many of us actually recognise the fact that we will all die one day. i mean, seriously come to face it with no fear. i think about death, but i don't think it will happen to me in the recent future. and that means i'm not coming to terms with it. honestly, there's nothing difficult about it. look in the mirror, and tell myself 'i will die one day'. now that's not that difficult right? but i don't do it. and i'm sure neither do you.
but do you realise that, unless you come to terms with it, you wouldn't have really lived?

when you learn how to die, you learn how to live
and it's so true. if you recognise the fact that you will die one day, you will truly start living.. because of the realisation, you learn to live each day with all you have. you will try your best to not let that day go to waste. you will not procrastinate. you will do what you think is meaningful. you will not live with regrets..

and i also learned that, i have to learn how to detach from my feelings..
it's not that i do not feel, but i learn to how to let go of those feelings.. like, if i feel regretful, i recognise that i'm feeling regretful, and i let go of those feelings.. we shouldn't cling onto the feelings.. when we do, we tend to not notice the things that would mean so much more..

wow i have so much things to say.. erm.. if you don't have time, don't read ok? ;)

something else is.. despite all we're feeling, we should let it go after it passed..
you can be mad at someone, sad with someone.. but after you calmed down, talk it over. solve the problem, and not let the issue pass. give both parties closure. the important thing is not the anger you felt, but rather how the other party felt. if the feeling had passed, then don't harp on it anymore.. listen, to what the other party has to say. sometimes, you have to see both sides of the coin to realise that you might not be so right afterall..
the person who said sorry might not be the one who is wrong.. saying sorry is a way of saying 'i don't want to quarrel anymore. let's make up.' it takes alot of courage to say sorry, so don't put down the person who apologizes. instead, treasure him/her for the courage and love for you..

someone asked me today if i was upset with something that happened over the weekend. i said i'm ok. frankly, i felt a little disappointed when i found out about it, but i got over it. i recognised that i'm feeling this way because it matters to me. but i also understand that there were underlying reasons.
so.. i want to tell my friend, that you don't have to feel bad about it ok? it's not the invitation that mattered, it's the fact the you bothered to explain to me. so, thank you. you know i'll always love you ya *winks*

my big conclusion of the day is, communication matters alot.
no matter how busy you are, take a second to tell the person you care about how much you love him/her. you never know how much difference that second makes.

ok i really wrote alot.
i think i'm pms-ing...

i can feel the pain

2007-11-01T21:40:00.000+08:00

i don't like to hear news of relationships ending..
especially one in which both parties are still very much in love..
cannot comprehend why it has to end this way..
and even across the computer screen, i can feel the pain..
of not being able to be with the other party..
and the pain of knowing that he/she feels the same way..

knowing that you love him/her so much, but the situation is already irreversible..
and that the pain is so unbearable..
but there is nothing you can do..

how many people in this world are still looking for their other half..
they found each other, yet it ended this way..
will they ever be able to love another person the same way again?
i don't think so....
will they be able to go back to who they were before meeting each other?
i don't think so too..

everyone of each are changed by the people we meet every minute, change by the things we encounter everyday..
what more someone whom you loved so much and still wants to be with for the rest of your life??
the pain is just unbearable..
and yet they have to put on a strong front and go on with life..

how will they be able to recover from this??
i dont even know how to comfort her..
i know nothing i say will help.. and she really just need time for the wound to heal..

不知道在干什么

2007-10-26T20:59:00.001+08:00

有时候会想
自己做的这些事是为了什么
忙忙碌碌是为了什么
这么累是为了什么

心情很不好
很累
很想什么都不做

是不是高估了自己
我没有你们想象中坚强
也希望会有人关心我
在我想哭的时候安慰我
在我需要人陪的时候在我身边

很讨厌这样的自己
需要再坚强一点

不知道自己在做什么
还不想回家的我再多人陪只会更寂寞
需要一个只有自己一个人的地方
i need to hide in my safe place......

需要离开这里
去一个可以让我开心的地方
好想出国........ 自己一个人.......
到一个没有人认识的地方

i miss weirong already..
i won't see the lights in my brother's room at night anymore
there won't be anyone to distract me while i'm online-ing anymore
there won't be anyone to tell me 'your carriage has turned into pumpkin', and chase me to bed anymore..
there won't be anyone taking 172 with me on thursday mornings anymore
there won't be anyone telling me latest news and showing me funny videos anymore
i hope he shifts back next sem.. =\

sleepy

2007-10-24T22:24:00.000+08:00

wow i'm neglecting my blog.. haven't had alot of things ti update recently
except that i'm hooked on facebook. haha me andmy colleagues will talk about the pets and stuff and we will psycho violet to stop feeding her GreenEye with pizza 'cause GreenEye already has a tummy!!!!!!!!! hahahaha which is hilarious..

anyway, you get the point..
i'm hooked on facebook and i still love my colleagues.. haha
we go to gym, play badminton, go out for tau huay, feed our fishes.. hahaha
and do our reports.. we do work, you know.. haa i just pia-ed finish editing my report today. haa~

tired....
hooked on amei and shi xinhui's cds nowadays too..
they have some really nice songs..

ok i shld sleep..

random thoughts..

2007-10-18T20:31:00.000+08:00

firstly, i want to wish kim a very happy belated birthday...

kim.... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! sorry ah, 1 day late..

anyway, i ran 5km today! it's an achievement man.. i never ran 5km at one shot before.. i was in the running mood today.. needed something to take my mind off things.. although i wouldn't mind badminton, but a run on the track was impossible to pass up on..
just that badminton was impossible after i finished my 5km.. i keep spacing out during the game and couldn't concentrate..

it's good i went for the run.. managed to clear my mind, and come to conclusions with some things.. know what's been bothering me, and came up with enough courage to come clean with what i think.. and now that i've said it, i feel so much better.. not bothered anymore, and things are clearer now..

honesty is the best policy..

by the way, i'm officially a ParaCounsellor! haha with loads of teasing in the office..
went to visit april yday! her baby boy looks so cute~~ she names him Wei Xuan. my name!!!!! hahaa i think that names with 'xuan' are totally awesome.. the coolest name!! haa~
my kids shall have the word 'xuan' in their names~

tomorrow's slack day again.. going to dian's house for lunch, then off to IKEA!! finally we can do some shopping for our office.. then i can add things at my cubicle.. have been looking for a chance to go IKEA for a long time le..
finally!
and visiting at dian's house is so exciting.. haa can get to try out all the nice food she's been mentioning to us.. haa green bean with durian.. yums..

did i mention before that i love my work and my colleagues?
let me tell you again k?
I LOVE THEM!!!!! they're the best anyone can get..
i can't imagine how life will be when we leave 3 years later.. cannot imagine walking into the office and not seeing them.. aahhhhhhhh
especially dian, violet and loo seng.. thanks to them, work is great.. we laugh together, eat together, exercise together..
*smiles*

i think it takes time to learn to trust someone.. and it's also not easy being sure in what you want.. sometimes i simply don't.. these are the times i want someone to make my decisions for me.. and allow me to be wilful and rebute the decision made.. will argue with me and purposely let me win..

things are much clearer now..

ParaC course

2007-10-13T11:30:00.000+08:00

just ended a 5-day ParaC course. i think i benefited a lot from the course.
not simply better skills, but also a wider social circle.
got the chance to meet more people, and also closer to some.
like yan leen, eric, esmond, edwin etc etc...
they taught me a lot, and had the chance to interact and learn from them..
thank you! =)
hopefully we can continue to keep in touch~

and of course, i also miss my dearly beloved colleagues!!!!
they're the best.. hahahhaa luckily we met them on thurs, if not i might miss them to death.. -oops-
anyway, we went settler's on thurs~! haha fun.. i especially like the 'ghost' game. its soooooooo funny... hahaha especially the way all of us 'aim' jeff!! haha
and had the chance to meet dian's bf~ haha i think he's still not familiar with us la, tts why he's abit quiet..
maybe he can hang out more often with us.. haa~

next week got to go back work le.. a bit sad la.. i miss gg back for lessons.. haha it's been really fun la.. although it's a bit far, but it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. it's quite fast, actually. haha i'm beginning to explore places beyond my comfort zone..

a bit disappointed that i didn't manage to buy tsp yday though. wanted to try my luck after the course ended but it closed le =\ sad~~

i'm baking cheesecake~ hopefully it's nice.. haha
and i want to bake muffins, and brownies.. and a lot a lot of things!!!!! hee..

realization

2007-10-07T10:58:00.000+08:00

once again, i found out that more people are reading my blog then i thought there were.
some whom i thought would have stopped reading are still reading.
some whom i thought would never read actually do. so i'm surprised.

i'm actually alot more harmless than people think i am.
i'm PERFECTLY harmless, i promise..
i don't do things which will hurt someone else. so there is really no need to fend against me.
no need to take extreme precautions.
but still, i'm flattered that there are people who thinks i'm a threat.
hahhaahaha women are contradictory

speaking of which, i just bought 2 t-shirts.
T-SHIRTS!!!!
what the hell am i doing, buying t-shirts? i should be buying working clothes la..
it all boils down to my colleague's fault.
violet went bkk and bought me a t-shirt which i totally fell in love with. now i'm so in love with t-shirts and i just bought 2 yday with jy. haha when we both are really shopping for working clothes.
but one of the tee i bought says 'Little Miss Contrary'.. so cute right!! hahha
ok i promise to look out for working clothes the next time.

alright, i got to get back to work.
yes, work, you didn't see wrongly.
i'm on course next week la, and i haven't finish writing my report.
so brought work home.. sighs.. not that i mind, actually. it keeps me occupied =)
ciao~

busy

2007-09-25T09:45:00.000+08:00

i just realised that i'm gonna be kept busy for the next 3 weeks..
because i have a paper to submit and a course to attend..
it's because i want to attend the course, so i have to finish the paper earlier, which means that i have to start to on the paper earlier 'cause i have less time to finish it..
promised myself i'm not going to drag till the last minute.. can't do that all the time, will stress myself out de..

so.. i'm going to be busy alllllllllll the way till 12th oct..
hmm.. 12 oct..

so.. i'm busy.. hahaha
and weekends are busy too.. saturdays are confirm tied up.. so i'm left with sundays.. omg.. what am i doing to myself.. how did i get so busy??

some thoughts..

2007-09-18T15:55:00.000+08:00

something about my colleague which i thought was very nice..
this colleague changed his phone yesterday, so i was wondering what happened.. turned out that his daughter threw his phone and it spoiled, so he took his wife's phone and bought a new phone for her..
he bought a N80 for her!!!

the point here is.. since it's his phone that spoiled, why didn't he buy a new phone for himself? i mean, that's what everybody would think right..

so i commented that he's such a nice husband to her.. and guess his reply?

“老婆只有一个”

and all of us who heard that went 'ohhhhhhh' (in envious)
how many men will actually say that? i mean, say that sincerely (and practise what he preach). all of us know that he will really do anything as long as she 开口...
it's difficult lor, to find someone who is willing to do everything for you.. and treat you like the most important person in his life..
at least i think that it's difficult to find someone like that..

sometimes, it's not that you don't want to do something.. circumstances differ, so people sometimes have to make decisions that will haunt him/her throughout the whole life.. it doesn't mean that he/she is taking it any easier..
it's really not up to us to judge.. who is to say that what you did is right or wrong? who can say that what you did was morally wrong?
as long as one learns from the mistake, that's ok.. as long as you don't repeat the mistake, why can't one have a fresh start?
things will only get better..

should i or should i not....?

busy and still want to shop

2007-09-13T21:20:00.000+08:00

jy just told me about this website and i showed it to my colleague
now we're so hooked on the clothes there and we're so gonna get them!
they're so nice and sooooo cheap..

and i'm feeling so healthy everyday..
going to gym with dian and violet everyday
hahaa yes! everyday.. our KPI is to hit the gym everyday la..
(ok, other than the reports that we have to hand in and all the admin stuff that we have to clear..)

and i have treats to clear too..
xianglooyun's treat..
and mommy's bday coming up, so going for a family dinner! (nono i'm not treating.. the restaurant is waaaaaaaaay beyond my budget)

and i'm so tired..
body is tired from gym everyday..
and mentally tired from work + tuition everyday..

i need rest....

random updates

2007-09-11T22:11:00.001+08:00

i want to change my blogskin lehs!!! but i haven't found a nice enough one and haven't had the time to try and change it too..

life's busy, but interesting.. everyday has something on.. every week there'll be a highlight..
anyway, i just kena bullied by a 4/5 year old girl on sat! and i'm supposed to be so much older than her.. nvm, i shall not be a pushover this coming sat (considering i will see her every sat for the next 8 weeks)

sometimes, i'm really glad i still have my students. but sometimes they really make me vomit blood.. but nonetheless, i still love them. haha they can be pretty nice sometimes.. and LAME. like how my student made me laugh yesterday..

ok i finally have a bagpacking partner.. haha me and jy has great plans to travel together, to go diving together, to see the world together.. hopefully we can go to all the places we wanted to go end of this year. and we have this another great plan to shop EVERYWHERE in spore.. hahahaha

to everyone who's concerned about me, thank you.. i didn't realise i made some of you worried.. i'm ok.. don't worry ya =)

i want to buy a phone.. haha when i finally bought it, i'll let you guys know
waiting for my pay to come in~~ lalalalala

btw, irene.. we can check out novena if you want. i just went today, and it looks pretty not bad, actually.. hahaha and cerise said suntec level 3. and we still haven't been to AMK Hub.

and i want to go to IKEA! haha so many things to buy.. i'm still waiting for my office's IKEA trip.. alamak.. i wish things can move a liiiiiiiiittle bit faster..

-looking forward to work tomorrow (minus the tuition)-

home alone

2007-09-04T20:43:00.000+08:00

i don't like to stay home alone..

this happened before..
when 2 person tells you the same thing in the same day, it's time to start thinking about it..

i don't like to be a substitute..
don't even like the probability of being one..
i know it doesn't matter anymore, but i just don't like..

so to you: treasure her.. since she's a 9 to you, then be nice to her.. learn to cherish what you already have..

someone told me before, not to believe what he said..
but to feel.. and see..
but now i want to tell him.. that i won't trust anymore..
won't trust what i see, what i feel, and what i hear..
because everything is not real..
people lie, people act.. and i don't know what to believe anymore..

humans are selfish in nature..
we do things to benefit ourselves..
you may think that you're making use of someone, but it might turn out that you're the one being made use of..

but humans also forget easily..
we forgot that we are selfish.. and after the pain is gone, we trust again..
and i know that it will keep coming back...

1 year ago, i said this in my blog..
两个人可以相爱，是一种缘分。不可以这么容易说放弃的。
‘不要轻易说出分手这种话’
a year later, i still think this way....

Love is not to forget but to forgive, not too see but to understand, not to hear but to listen, not to let go but to hold on..

i cannot be left alone.. not now, not at this period of time..

something i wrote

2007-09-04T10:28:00.000+08:00

不喜欢这样的结局
不喜欢最后被放弃

不是不明白，只是不甘心
我们可以一起努力
为什么选择离开
为什么选择放弃？

当初说过的未来去了哪里
都是谎言吧
星星是我的证人
证明你说的一切

因为爱你所以让你走
试着了解你作的决定
只是不甘心输给时间
输给你所选择的一切

was just typing randomly.. then everything just fell so nicely
anybody wants to add in tune? xiang? hahahhaha
anyways, it's another lazy tuesday..
so many things i'm supposed to do..

i want to go backpacking...
so many places i want to go..

regrets..

2007-09-02T21:16:00.001+08:00

i was just thinking about this.
if let's say you are to die this very moment, what would be the one thing that you regret not doing?
think about it..

i thought about it..
i guess i have no regrets about my family.. they know i love them, and thats all they need to remember..
friends wise.. i have pretty much no regrets, i think..
and i realised that.. i would regret not traveling enough. i haven't seen the world, haven't been to places, haven't met enough people around the world..
and i guess that gave me some directions as to what i should do about my life..

but first, studies! hahaha.. i know this sounds contradicting..
here i am talking about wanting to see the world, yet studies come first..
because.. i will keep myself safe, healthy and in the best of health..
so i can see the world! hahaha.. so many places i want to go...

but people.. if your regret is not spending enough time with your family, or about letting someone down in your life, then do something about it..
never never wait.. because you really don't know what might happen tomorrow..

something i learnt is, life is fragile.. almost anything unpredictable can happen..
so cherish all you have.. and if you have anything you want to do, just do it..

人应该就是这样。常常只会后悔
可是人生不应该是这样的。
爱一个人就要让他（她）知道。

曾经读过一篇文章
里头提到，如果每个人一天只能拥有一个微笑，就要把它留给你爱的人
不要在外头对陌生人嘻嘻哈哈，却对自己爱的人愁眉苦脸
那时才领悟到，是不是每个人都是这样的?
对珍惜的人的态度最差
这个毛病真的很糟。不应该是这样的......

我不喜欢留着泪醒来
感觉很糟糕
想把自己的时间排得满满的，感觉就好像被很多事情拥抱着一样
不要让自己一个人
不要让自己有时间停下来。会胡思乱想的

要更爱护自己
因为只有自己可以照顾自己

“只想变得坚强强到能够去忘”

stuck on this song recently..
hope you guys will like it too.. these are the lyrics..

Running Away --- by Midnight Hour
Don't lie and say that it's OK.
It's alright here, there's nothing more to say.
So I'm running away.
I'm leaving this place.
Yeah, I'm running away.
I'm running away.

Don't tell me, I don't want to blame.
It's too late for you to make me stay.
No, I won't stay.
So I'm running away.
I'm leaving this place.
Yeah, I'm running away.
I'm running away.

And faster than you can follow me from this lonely place.
And farther than you can find me, I'm leaving
Yeah I'm leaving today.
And I, I'll never let you find me.
I'm leaving you behind with the past
No, I won't look back.
And I don't want to hear your reasons.
Don't want to hear you tell me why I should stay.

And try, try to understand me
And try to understand what I say when I say I can't stay
I, I'm moving on from this place
I'm leaving and I won't quit running away.

I'm running away.
I'm leaving this place.
Yeah, I'm running away.
I'm running away.

new decisions

2007-09-01T18:21:00.000+08:00

i woke up on friday morning, lying on my bed..
and suddenly decided that i should further my studies..
supportive? =)

today, when i woke up..
i too decided that i should put in a lot more effort into my students..
because they need me..
good? =)

so i have new directions in my life.
i want to earn a Master's and will continue teaching my students.
i want to be there for people who need me.
i want to do something which will make a difference..

i started the true friend test?
and i realised something
in front of different friends i have different faces.
to some friends i write, to some friends i call..
so its a bad item..
but what i realised is..
it's who i turn to when i need someone that matters
it's those who are always there for me that matters..
it's who i know i can cry in front of them without any worries..
it's who i know will walk a long distance with me without complains..
it's who i know are just a phone call away..

so thank you... =)

true friends test

2007-08-29T23:03:00.000+08:00

i know that this has been going around for some time, but i decided that i should create a test today. haha for no reasons la.. just thought it would be fun..

so do take the test!
just for fun la huh.. =)

Create your own Friend Test here

happy birthday to me

2007-08-26T12:07:00.000+08:00

ok i know that this is a super outdated post, considering that my birthday was last sunday
but i was tooooooo busy to update my blog
and i'm supposed to change my blogskin too. its outdated liao~ =x

anyways, i really enjoyed my birthday.
and had alot of surprises
gotta apologize la, 'cause i haven't gotten all the photos yet.
alot of photos still with dearie and we haven't really had the chance to stay online together long enough for me to get all the photos from him =x too many photos liao la..

ok anyway, some photos!

we took this @ sentosa.. got quite alot of photos de, but i haven't gotten the rest. only managed to get this for now..

this is my surprise!!!! haha.. very very big surprise..
dearie cooked dinner for me.. and it's nice~! for someone who only cooks maggie mee, it's alot of effort.. *touched*
when i get the photos of the pasta then i'll post it up ;)

oh the pasta is not the 1st surprise.. this is my 1st surprise...

*smiles* he gave it to me when i saw him.. very nice hor.. i think it's the nicest bouquet i've received so far. haha wrapping very nice! haa~
ok thats not the point..
it's very sweet of dearie to buy me flowers ^^

then the pasta is my 2nd surprise..
and then my favorite cakes is the 3rd...
and lastly.. this!!!

pardon my lousy photography skills..
he bought me a mp3! haha he was asking me weird questions a few days ago and misleading me everywhere about what he's getting for me..
didn't expect him to get mp3 for me.. so it's a real big surprise..

so i wana say to my dearie.. that i really appreciate everything you planned.. very very touched with all you did..
thank you.. =)
love you~

and then... the next day i was out with xianglooyun. went kbox! haha xiang's 2nd home..
in order not to disappoint all our fans, we took alot of stupid photos.. haha
like our 春夏秋冬.. (喜怒哀乐 is outdated liao la)

but too many stupid photos liao la, difficult to upload all of it..
these are some of it..

like xiang said, i'm the shortest 'cause i'm the last to turn 22..
gosh.. 22 sounds old.. =x

and off we went to coffee bean @ taka to nua.. plus some more photos..

you can see we've all been influenced by xiang to start taking spastic photos..
ohs and the whole day, we just keep going 不能说的秘密. 'cause me and loo kept exclaiming that the show is nice.. but xiang is so against it, so she refused to repeat conversations and just tell us that its a 不能说的秘密
-.-

for more crap, refer to irene and xiang's post.. do check out k? especially the part about my bday cake.. it's LAME

but wana thank the girls too, for spending my bday with me =)
friends forever~!!!!!

i'm 22!!!!!!!

drained

2007-08-16T22:13:00.000+08:00

feeling very drained from everything.
had this sudden urge to burst out crying in tuition just now..
like, students are not doing well, don't want to learn, never do homework..
makes me wonder what the hell am i doing there, trying to squeeze out time in my work schedule to fit them in, while they obviously don't want help..

then my student cried before me.. =s
so i had to end up comforting him instead..

this feels so pms, which doesn't make much sense..
timing is wrong -oops-
but thats not my point..
my point is, i feel so pms..

and people, don't injure yourself..
'cause it's very painful when you bathe.. haa~
-ouch-

missing someone like crazy...
miss you miss you miss you miss you miss you miss you...
so much..

7 days away

2007-08-12T13:23:00.000+08:00

i'm officially counting down to my birthday..
7 days away!!!
haha sorry ahs i'm a birthday-person.. 'cause it's like a day specially meant for a person..
like, MY day kind of feeling..
and it's like an excuse for me to meet up with friends and people i haven't seen in ages..
and a day for me to use as an excuse to pamper myself, doll myself up, go out and enjoy myself..
hahaha so yes.. i love birthdays..

people i'm scheduled to meet are..
1) my dearie brian (it sounds abit silly to say this, but i want to put him on my list. hee.. )
2) xianglooyun
3) cerise, jy, ling and hl
4) 02S81!!
5) my darling PS~

hmm anyone else lehs.. not that i can remember.. haha
that's basically all my close friends liao..
although doesn't seem like alot, but that's alot of people to meet up for my birthday..
'cause i'm fully packed next week! (not that i mind though)

hmm it just suddenly struck me..
that this time last year i was preparing for my 21st..
haha confirming attendance, venue, food, deco..
and how loo and irene helped me so much for my birthday preparation.. and how we will just get so excited when each other's bday draws near.. (for me, esp loo's bday)

i'm so excited about this year's bday too~
i get to celebrate with someone special, and also meetup with so many friends..

can't wait for my birthday to arrive.. but i don't want it to be over.. sighs..
1st time that i'm looking forward to a monday on sunday..

lalala~

ohs by the way.. i just baked brownies again! and i forgot to take pictures again! alamak.. haha
i added walnuts this time, and i think it doesn't taste too bad..
and then i tried another recipe which irene gave me.. it's not too bad, but i prefer the previous one.. not so sweet, and alot more chocolatey.. (which makes perfect sense, considering the fact that i added alot more chocolate to the 1st recipe)
but well, personal taste and preference.. people who like sweet stuff will prefer the 2nd recipe..
(hmm.. people who likes sweet stuff.. reminds me of someone.. haa~)

so since i've succeeded in brownies, my next challenge will be muffins!! muahahah
i'm going to attempt baking new stuff.. so that i won't keep baking the same things.. so boring de.. but before i try that, i need to get the tray for baking muffins 1st.. =)
so exciting too.. muffins~~

baking

2007-08-05T21:28:00.000+08:00

loo came over to my place this morning and we did some baking..
haha it's fun~ i think it's the 1st time i baked with just loo alone, cuz she never came to my place to bake before..
so while she's busy with her cookies, i decided to bake brownie! since my previous attempts always fail, i was determined to 'never-say-die'..
so i made a 3rd attempt @ the brownies!!
SUCCESS!!!!

erm i didn't take any photos in the end.. 'cause i was excited baking this, adding that..
and i cut the brownie before i took any pictures.. haa~ but nevermind! i will bake again..
i think it's nice la.. so i decided that the reason my 1st 2 attempts failed is due to the recipe..
haa yes i'm pushing the blame onto the recipe..
but my brownie is nice! loo said it should be more chewy though..
next time la.. i will bake again and add in either nuts/chocolate chips.. haha
so happy~ my brownie is nice!!!
lalalala~
now i need to find people to help me finish it.. =/

有时候人真的要失去后才会学会珍惜。
读了一篇散文，有了一些领悟
你有没有珍惜现在在你身边的人？
如果身边的人离开了，你会不会有遗憾?

有些人在失去后，发现以前自己不够好，留下了遗憾
有些人则因为受了伤，因此而不相信爱情
前者会对后来出现的人更好来弥补过去的遗憾
后者则对后来出现的人有所保留，所以不敢、不愿、没有能力像以前一样付出

所以不一定是前人种树，后人遮荫
事情的发生都是有理由的吧
凡事都要向前看。不要因为以前不好的经历而影响了现在身边的那个人
对他是不公平的
虽然人生本来就不公平

还有。不要对自己最珍惜的人生气太久
凡事得过且过，不需要太计较
谁对谁错并不重要。开心才是最重要的
如果让步可以解决问题，说声‘对不起’又会怎样？
可是 must have give and take la..
一方并不会永远让步的。

you know when you have posts like this, people will start worrying whether you are having problems and thats why you're speaking like that..
no no i'm very happy.. no problems of whatsoever.. so don't worry for me ya? =)
it's just some realization from either readings or happenings around me..
*smiles*

but i realised that i'm learning to look at things from a different perspective.
when things happen, there's always 2 sides to it.. you choose which side you want to see..
so always look at it from the bright side..
sounds cliche la.. but life is short.. don't spend time being unhappy, being suspicious, being upset about things..
always stay happy~ =)